[Open] I want to feel the fire that you kept from me.

[eternallywandering]

WHO: Zhou Zishu & OPEN! Wide open!
WHEN: His arrival~ Er. Re-arrival?
WHERE: Around. This man likes to wander.
WHAT: He's in bad shape and not able to hide it very well.
WARNINGS: A dying man, deep grief, thoughts verging on suicidal + TBD if any others crop up.

[Blind & Deaf]

The palace spins around him, the voices distant, meaningless. Zhou Zishu goes where he is directed, takes possession of his crystal and tries to swallow the heavy, nauseating fact that he has failed someone else dear to him. His days will surely run out here - wherever here might be - and the one responsible for everything will continue to...hurt others. Continue to lie and cheat and be praised for it.

"I'm sorry, Lao Wen." he whispers, barely moving his lips. He turns his back on the nobility, the opulence and wanders the halls, looking for a quiet place to wait. If he goes without food and drink, surely his end will come quicker. And then...

Will he see Wen Kexing again?

[Garden]

He finds the blooms, the greenery and settles himself at the base of a tree. Moving his body takes effort and he can no longer rest. Sleeping robs him of hours he can't risk losing. Baiyi, his sword, lays across his lap, his fragile (yet still skilled) hands laying across the blade.

The flowers are given a distant smile that doesn't reach his eyes. Maybe he could stay here. Forget a room; forget what they asked of him. Just let him become one with these beautiful plants. And if anyone disagrees, Baiyi will reprimand them.

Comments

Blind & Deaf

[flirtatiousdancer]

He'd been in another part of the city for a few days before being 'found' and reintroduced to this world. No A-Xu. Now he's wandering the halls of the palace, doing his best to absorb his revenge being abruptly aborted. His fan is, as always, open and gently moving as he wanders the halls of this far too grand palace, a smile plastered to his face and nods cheerfully at any he passes by.

Until a familiar figure crosses the hall just ahead and he draws in a sharp breath before hurrying forward - oh, he's been told his role here, but that figure is too important to turn away. He snaps his fan closed as he walks quickly.

"A-Xu!" He calls out, maybe he shouldn't but...he doesn't care. The smile is real when he approaches his soulmate, even if it's a little uncertain. After all...the way they'd parted just a few days ago hadn't been shared with Zishu.

He still grins a little as he slows back to a more sedate pace, and his voice turns mildly scolding. "Aren't you hungry?"

[eternallywandering]

At first he assumes he is hallucinating, the voice he most wants to hear has found him, echoing from his memories, haunting him since he has failed. Zishu turns away from the sound, placing his open hand against a wall. He repeats his earlier words, creating a mantra that he hopes the spirit of Wen Kexing will hear and understand. This sudden shift in location and in circumstances hadn't been his doing.

His eyes widen, however, when the voice draws nearer and asks...an unexpected question. Hungry? Zishu slowly shifts, his features bloodless as he takes in the full form of...

Wen Kexing. Smiling. Alive? That strange rushing in his ears returns and his legs almost buckle. Alive?

How?

[flirtatiousdancer]

The first hint he has that Zishu doesn't believe what he's hearing, is just how pale his soulmate is. And then how that hand presses to the wall, and he hurries again - this time to reach for his arm to help support him as his smile fades to a look of concern, brows knitting together.

"A-Xu?"

Kexing glances frantically around for someplace to help the other man to - there! He doesn't ask, just starts dragging Zishu to the little inset bench he spotted, where he'll help the other to sit.

[CW: Blood.]

[eternallywandering]

He lets himself be touched and led to the bench. The solid force further verifies that he isn't hallucinating. Wen Kexing is alive and right here. Coughing, blood tinges his lips and he settles on the bench gratefully. But he had seen...!

"How are you alive?" he tries to speak, to piece words together, "I saw you fall. Ye Baiyi stopped me from reaching you."

His hands shake and he clenches them in his lap, unable to look away from Kexing.

[flirtatiousdancer]

It's his turn to pale when that blood is coughed out, and he reaches up to gently dab those poor lips. Then that question has him blink before a short little laugh escapes as he ducks his head a little.

"I fell on purpose, A-Xu," he admits. Surely that can't go down badly.

"The old monster knew, and the little idiot. Everything's fine."

[eternallywandering]

They...knew. It had been...a ploy? Swallowing against the iron tang on his tongue, Zishu lets his anger rise, grabbing the front of Kexing's robes in a tight fist.

"Why did you keep it from me?"

That...hurts. Why had they let him play the fool? And now...

"No!" his voice rises, cracking from strain, "Everything isn't."

[flirtatiousdancer]

He startles a little at suddenly being grabbed, but he doesn't fight as he stares at Zishu's fury. Beautiful. He shakes himself a little and rests a hand over Zishu's, patting it a little.

His confusion only grows at the question and denial. "A-Xu?"

It doesn't make sense, why is Zishu so angry? Maybe... "Are the -" he stops himself, then changes what he was about to say. "Are your injuries getting worse?" He knows how much Zishu hates talking about the nails. But he needs to know.

[eternallywandering]

"I took them out." he grits his teeth around those words, wanting to scream, wanting to hit and punch and kiss the other man for being so damn reckless! But he had been too, hadn't he. His fist gradually loosens its hold and he gasps for breath.

"You fell. Ye Baiyi stopped me from following and carried me to an inn. Everyone was talking about your death. So I set out to kill Zhao Jing and..."

Now he feels incredibly idiotic. And follow you.

"I removed them myself."

In a place no one would hear him scream. He had drank plenty of wine for the task, but that didn't dull the pain.

[flirtatiousdancer]

For a moment, Kexing is certain he'd misheard that. But, with dawning horror, he realizes he was wrong. So very, very wrong.

All breath leaves him with a horrible little sound and he drops back on his heels when Zishu's fist loosens. He shakes his head, mute and denying.

Desperation sinks in and he reaches to pull the top of Zishu's clothes apart to look for himself, ignoring the tear that slips down a cheek. He doesn't hear himself verbally denying it under his breath.

"All wrong, nonono!" Please no, his heart cries out.

[eternallywandering]

He doesn't like being manhandled by anyone, however Kexing is...his other half. If he wants to see the wounds, the scarring left over from the nails being expelled, Zishu will let him. Nothing has healed, of course, the openings are fresh and only lightly bandaged. Blood still seeps from them, turning the white bandages crimson.

That tear and how broken the other seems makes him feel guilty for telling Kexing the truth. He catches the tear on his finger and wipes away the wet trail on Kexing's cheek with his thumb.

"Lao Wen." he reaches out to pull his soulmate close, beckoning him, "It didn't kill me. I don't have long, but if you're here..."

He has a reason to fight; he has his reason to search for a cure.

"Let's find this land's healers."

Don't give up on me.

[flirtatiousdancer]

He'd fully expected to be shoved off, as he always has before. But he's...allowed to look. And what he finds has him shuddering, a bitter little laugh escaping. But Zishu brushes his cheek dry and he can't resist leaning into the tender touch. He watches, distantly, how his hands shake as he checks over those bloody bandages.

He doesn't resist being pulled close, almost collapsing against his soulmate. There's a desperation to his gaze as he lifts it to Zishu's face. Not long, but then he nods, lips pressing into a stubborn line as he settles beside his soulmate on the bench.

"When I woke up here, I met some necromancers," he keeps his voice quiet. He'd seen how badly those people were treated. "They might be able to help." But they need coin, which he has precious little. He forces himself to take a deep breath, trying to calm himself.

For Zishu, he can do anything. He reaches for one of his beloved's hands, just to hold.

"We'll find someone to save you, A-Xu." He'll accept nothing less.

[eternallywandering]

All of his rage, all of his horror and confusion leak out of him and all his arms can do is hold and comfort. If his feelings weren't incredibly obvious before, they will be now as he silently fusses over the man who gave him a reason to live again. He doesn't like those bitter laughs and so he drags Kexing close and sweetens them with a soft kiss.

"Someone will have the answers we need." he puts on a brave smile and sighs, "I have a job. I will need to complete it and then find another."

Keeping busy will be good. He doesn't want to drowse away in bed. This way, with each day, he knows he is doing his best to stay with...this man. This is the one he has chosen and will always choose. Zishu kisses Kexing again, trying to chase that sadness away.

"I have my full power, at least. We can put that to good use."

cw: suicidal thought

[flirtatiousdancer]

Just as his feelings are made obvious - or so he thinks. He'd never meant for Zishu to do that. And he fusses too, straightening his soulmate's clothes before he relaxes into the sweet kiss. Zishu's kisses are the best medicine.

Still, he'll cling to that hand, as if afraid he'll lose Zishu if he lets go. "We'll find them," he manages to smile back, letting himself be soothed. He can't picture his soulmate doing nothing - that's not who Zhou Zishu is.

"And you have me," he finds a grin, and kisses back that second time. "With both of us, we can't fail."

And if they do...he'll follow his A-Xu into death.

Garden

[binghua]

Between his acquired duties of being a taste-tester for the foreign visitors to the palace and trying to help make sense of the horrors happening in the Doxe's quarters, Xingchen has found he doesn't have as much time to himself as he once did. Which, in truth, is good, considering he'd otherwise get too lost in his mind as he has these past couple of months. Distractions like these are only a skin-deep salve, but they're better than nothing.

But now he has a moment to breathe, so he decides to travel to one of the gardens, if only to breathe in the sweetness of the flowers for a few moments. It's quiet here, comforting, and he travels a path he thinks he remembers, waiting for a certain fragrance to find him. It may not be his favorite spot, but maybe it is. It smells like it is. He reaches out and gently caresses one of the white blooms on this particular bush before speaking quietly to it. "It seems this is still your season. You're doing well, little one."

A few moments pass as Xingchen takes in this particular scent, but he also becomes aware of at least one other presence nearby. That's not surprising; this garden isn't locked away to one person at a time. But he always feels a little silly when talking to the plants, even if he's genuine, so he speaks up. "I hope I am not bothering you."

[eternallywandering]

Zishu understands the need for distractions. The mind and the heart can be brutal and unrelenting. There are many times he thinks the nails driven into his spiritual meridians are kinder, though perhaps not by much.

He watches the other man, smiling to himself at how Xingchen seeks the pretty flower and congratulates it. Plants are alive too and he remembers speaking to the blooms and trees at the Four Seasons, encouraging them to grow, to fill the manor with vibrant color. And they never disappointed him.

"No, I like hearing you talk to them." he speaks softly, hoarsely, his voice as tired as the rest of him, "They understand. At least I believe they do."

[binghua]

With the confirmation that his presence is not bothersome, Xingchen smiles and moves to the next bloom his fingers find. "And you, you're quite warm. The sun must have taken a liking to you." Now he's being more intentionally silly, but even that seems to lighten the weight in his chest. He laughs softly to himself, feeling grateful for this moment of levity. It may only last a moment and he might have had to make it for himself, but it still manages to make some difference for him. He hopes it does the same for the other man.

He moves onward, getting closer to the other man, but finds another blossom, his fingers ever-gentle as they brush over the soft petals. "Mn. I do, too. They may not hear as we do, but I think even the smallest attempt at encouragement means something." Or maybe he's being a romantic. Or foolish. Or both, always looking for the good in things, even if he knows better. But it's best not to dwell on that right now.

Xingchen finds another flower, smaller this time, and leans down to smell it. "I do not believe I recognize your voice." This man sounds tired. Xingchen hopes he has somewhere to stay where he can rest up.

[eternallywandering]

The honest sweetness Xingchen exudes is good for his soul. Zishu smiles a little more as the other man continues and he chuckles weakly. If he were...in better health...and less broken...this is precisely the sort of man he would want to protect. The world can be indescribably cruel and sometimes evil. Zishu would gladly cut down anyone who threatened a gentle soul who spoke to flowers.

"You've trained your senses well." he is impressed at how graceful the other seems and he wonders if the man has always been blind. It's none of his business, but compliments aren't too odd, he hopes.

"If there was more encouragement in the world, we would all benefit."

That is something he believes. His juniors, his disciples, were all loyal to him - for better or worse - because he balanced his strict lessons with compliments meant to bolster their self-esteem and confidence. Zishu had loved all of them and each one he lost had been a blow to his soul.

"I'm newly arrived. I am Zhou Zishu." he gains some life to his tone, at least.

[binghua]

For a moment, Xingchen isn't sure what this man means, but since he's exhibited nothing as a cultivator in these moments, he assumes he means the more literal term. "Not without plenty of scraped hands and bruised knees, I assure you." But that's the price he had to pay, unless he wanted to waste away in a dark alley somewhere. And then what good would that have done?

His hands reach out to find open space, which means he must have reached the end of that row of plants. He could find another, keep speaking to whatever has blossomed there to bring some joy to this man, but Xingchen finds he likes speaking to him. Instead, he takes a few careful steps closer to the tree. "Yes. A more generous kind word may not solve the world's problems entirely, but surely it would help soften hearts." So many people in the world are full of anger and resentment, even while alive. Even his master had shut her heart to the wider world below her mountain for whatever reason, though not entirely. All the children she sheltered and raised and taught, like Xingchen, are lucky to have known her. Xingchen still wishes there was some way to fix the suffering, but, of course, he knows that's impossible.

When he's close enough, he gives the man, Zhou Zishu, a bow. "Xiao Xingchen. We are well-met." And then, after a moment's deliberation. "Might this one join you?"

[eternallywandering]

Training needn't have anything to do with cultivation. Normal people must train their bodies to do many tasks, though Zishu likely spoke more like a martial artist - or cultivator - since he is the former. He has had to train his senses for many tasks and now, thanks the nails (and the removal of them), he is beginning to lose those senses.

"We all have to start with the basics." and there is nothing for Xingchen to be ashamed of in his eyes. Few are able to achieve grace after... He wonders what happened. Was it an accident? An illness?

He almost - almost - reaches out to help guide Xingchen, but he stops himself. As sweet as the man seems to be, he surely has his pride. Zishu doesn't have any desire to make him feel clumsy or incapable.

"There is nothing wrong with a soft heart. It reminds us not to be cruel to each other - even when we're angry." he inclines his head - since rising would tire him - at the bow and pats the space beside him, "Xiao Xingchen, I would be honored if you joined me."

[binghua]

Given permission, Xingchen squats down to pat out a clear space on the ground, then kneels properly, a soft smile on his face. Discovering Zhou Zishu in this garden has turned out to be one of the better experiences Xingchen has had here in a while. It's not that the others he's met aren't good enough for him or anything like that, quite the opposite in many cases, but Zhou Zishu's kind words just resonate with him in the right way today.

"Zhou Zishu is wise." Xingchen thinks if he had never met Song Lan and had met Zhou Zishu instead, he probably would have clung to him like a shadow. The Xingchen from even just four years prior would have eaten this up; he still does, though with a little more caution. Xingchen has been hurt when he's opened up his heart to others more than once. "I hope anyone in this world will be able to benefit from his words."

Still, this world, and Taravast on its own, is full of people who care not for softer hearts or wise words. Xingchen leans in a little closer, careful not to touch Zhou Zishu, and speaks a little more quietly. "Are there any others nearby?"

[eternallywandering]

He sits up straighter, his back firmly against the tree trunk. Having that support helps and he is able to speak to Xingchen without fatiguing further. But even if he was tired, he would continue to speak to the other man. Zhou Zishu always has time for good people and if he can help Xingchen in any way, he will do so.

"Hardly." he chuckles, a bit bashful, "I've lived a...chaotic life. It's hard to remember all of it, but the times I was shown kindness stick out. My teachers would be disappointed in me if I didn't return that gift by passing it on."

Even if the world isn't repaired, so? Sometimes making one person happy is enough. Humans like to think they can do anything and everything, but life teaches them differently given enough time and experience.

"What about the words of Xiao Xingchen? I want to hear them." his eyes shine with warmth and he arches a brow when Xingchen leans in closer, "No, we are alone."

His senses might be dull, yet they are sharp enough to detect anyone in the garden.

"Speak freely. Your words won't leave this place or me."

[binghua]

A chaotic life? Of course that piques Xingchen's interest, though he doesn't ask. He's only just met this man; he can't ask him for his life's story. What if their places were switched and Zhou Zishu asked Xingchen everything he'd ever done? No. Some things must remain a mystery.

That, or Xingchen continues to trust too easily, despite telling himself over and over not to do that. Still, he can't help but think that a wise man would know humility.

But then it's his own turn to breathe out a laugh, lifting a sleeve to his mouth for a moment. "Ah, no, no, Xiao Xingchen is a foolish boy." He definitely wouldn't consider himself wise or, at this point, even a good role model for anyone. He could leave it at that, hope his new acquaintance will let this go, but something compels him to at least give something in answer. His smile slowly fades as he says, "Sometimes I think about the stars and the moon looking down on us and feel impossibly small. It puts any personal abilities or strength into perspective." Humans are just that: Human. Xiao Xingchen wanted to save the world, once. He still does, honestly. But as the years have passed, he knows he can't, especially not on his own. It's sobering, but he breathes in. There are more important matters to speak of.

Even if they're alone here, he still keeps his voice low. "This place is dangerous and something strange is going on inside the palace walls. Be careful." And then, his voice drops to a whisper. "I make no assumptions, but if you are a demonic cultivator, or a necromancer, or bring the dead back to life in any way, tell no one. Their kind is under fierce scrutiny right now."

[eternallywandering]

There are many actions and decisions that Zishu regrets. He might look young, barely verging on thirty, but he has lived a life most elders can't boast. Not that there is much to boast about - especially not to one as gentle as Xiao Xingchen.

"I think you're too harsh on yourself." he observes the other and gets a sense of...

Sadness? Or is he simply feeling his own mood?

"In the great scheme of things, we are small. But that doesn't make us worthless or useless. Your ability to empathize and your kindness are needed strengths." and a small pebble can make great rings in still water. He wants to think that some of what he did made a good difference. He wants Chengling to live in a better world than the one he and Kexing have experienced.

Zishu leans in, cocking his head to better hear Xingchen's warning.

"Have you been threatened?" his brow knits, worried, "No, I'm neither of those. But I have heard about the...rift. Do you know what they have done to gain scrutiny?"

Besides...raising the dead? He assumes that is bound to make a lot of people uncomfortable.

[binghua]

Maybe he's said too much. Zhou Zishu already seems to be able to read him, even a little bit. Xingchen bows his head. "Perhaps." Wei Wuxian told him all those weeks ago that he needs to take the time to forgive himself for the mistakes he's made. Some days are easier than others to try that, but he still hasn't managed to do it. Realistically, he knows he's only human and humans make mistakes, but it's so difficult to accept that. So. Excessive harshness? He'll take it. It's better than being deceived.

"Little encouragements." It's so much easier to speak of kindnesses when he himself isn't the main character in a scenario, when a flower is just a flower and not what rests inside himself.

Ah, but the whole necromancy issue. Xingchen shakes his head; he hasn't been threatened, at least not personally. "Politics are not my strong suit, nor can I speak of the exact reasons why certain choices have been made. I do not have all of the answers. What I do know is this place, not just the city of Taravast, but all of it, has been dealing with undead warlords taking control. Anurr is one of them. He recently unleashed monsters upon Taravast and also controlled any undead within his reach, regardless of who may have raised them." It's a very bare-bones explanation of recent events, but it should cover the necessary points. He hopes. "I imagine the ability to raise the dead, therefore, makes Vannozza and Macaluso understandably uncomfortable, which is why they are keeping an eye out for anyone like that."

[eternallywandering]

The topic is sensitive and he bows his head apologetically - out of habit - speaking a split second later.

"I do not know you. Forgive me for presuming." though let it be known that he still believes what he said. Xingchen strikes him as the sort of man that is too hard on himself when mistakes are made. There is a time and a place to take the blame and to feel guilty. Many circumstances are matters of fate and have very little to do with their personal decisions.

"I wouldn't say what you offer is little." he falls silent, then, listening, his mind still numb from the various shocks he has endured the past few days, "Then I can understand their misgivings."

Zishu sighs then and closes his eyes, gathering himself.

"I will protect Taravast. Should more of these monsters come, I will introduce them to Baiyi."