westwhere | [Open] I want to feel the fire that you kept from me.

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[Open] I want to feel the fire that you kept from me.

WHO: Zhou Zishu & OPEN! Wide open!
WHEN: His arrival~ Er. Re-arrival?
WHERE: Around. This man likes to wander.
WHAT: He's in bad shape and not able to hide it very well.
WARNINGS: A dying man, deep grief, thoughts verging on suicidal + TBD if any others crop up.

[Blind & Deaf]

The palace spins around him, the voices distant, meaningless. Zhou Zishu goes where he is directed, takes possession of his crystal and tries to swallow the heavy, nauseating fact that he has failed someone else dear to him. His days will surely run out here - wherever here might be - and the one responsible for everything will continue to...hurt others. Continue to lie and cheat and be praised for it.

"I'm sorry, Lao Wen." he whispers, barely moving his lips. He turns his back on the nobility, the opulence and wanders the halls, looking for a quiet place to wait. If he goes without food and drink, surely his end will come quicker. And then...

Will he see Wen Kexing again?

[Garden]

He finds the blooms, the greenery and settles himself at the base of a tree. Moving his body takes effort and he can no longer rest. Sleeping robs him of hours he can't risk losing. Baiyi, his sword, lays across his lap, his fragile (yet still skilled) hands laying across the blade.

The flowers are given a distant smile that doesn't reach his eyes. Maybe he could stay here. Forget a room; forget what they asked of him. Just let him become one with these beautiful plants. And if anyone disagrees, Baiyi will reprimand them.

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It's an incredible sight and feeling to watch Zishu move like this - it catches and steals his breath! Where Zishu isn't self-indulgent, Wen Kexing is. Whenever there's something he wants, be it food or drink or clothes, or someone to warm his bed, he gets it. But making sure his beloved feels pleasure trumps all of that and he feels his face flush as he watches, admiring his A-Xu.

The flush darkens as his forehead is kissed, and his lips traced. He couldn't love Zhou Zishu more. He dares to shift, to entangle their legs together so they can curl even closer together with a little sigh of delight.

"A-Xu," he murmurs, lips curling happily upward as he fondly scolds. "Have you already forgotten how I'd rather play for you all night, so you can rest well, than sleep myself? I have my xiao. I can still do that here."

Bed warmers would have been simple for him to acquire once upon a time. But now? Zishu knows that he looks ill and has looked ill since Kexing found him. Frankly it's amazing that the other man is attracted to him at all. Zishu isn't certain what Kexing sees in him, but oh how he wishes (and dreams about!) his soulmate seeing him at his best! He gives a little shiver and nuzzles his lips against one of those flushed cheeks.

Feeling their legs sliding together under the covers is one of the best sensations. Zishu groans softly and holds Kexing against him, chuckling at the reminder.

"It's not healthy for you to do that often. I want to look after you too." he looks a little mischievous, adding, voice low, "You will be my husband."

Kexing has never seen that illness. Oh, he's aware of it. He knows his beloved is dying - and now much more rapidly than before. But he'd always seen past it, to the beauty Zishu was before the nails, and the beauty and health he's determined to see Zishu returned to.

He beams in delight at that groan and nuzzles their noses together. The bright smile softens though, relaxes as he gazes at his soulmate.

"I would play for you every night if it helped. If it keeps you with me, I will do just that. I can sleep in the mornings, it's no trouble." A feather-light kiss gets pressed to Zishu's lips. "Yes, I get to be your husband. That's all I care about being now." No playful teasing. Just a quiet statement with a touch of joy.

His heart in his eyes, bared just for Zhou Zishu to see and do with as he pleases.

It angers Zishu that he gave so much to Prince Jin, sacrificed so much for a man who doesn't and never has given a damn. Wen Kexing, on the other hand, cares; he cares so deeply that his heart threatens to rip him into pieces. But Zishu wants to keep his treasure, his soulmate, his husband-to-be in one precious piece. That means he has to live and show Kexing love every day. Any sacrifices he makes from here on out will be for him and only him.

Zishu grins, completely charmed by his beloved's bright smile. He buries a hand in Kexing's hair and pulls him into a deep kiss.

"Stay with me...in this place. We will find a healer or a necromancer. Someone will be able to help." he shudders at the sweet weight of those next words, "Being your husband is everything I've ever wanted." and he will call himself that openly, letting this world know where he stands, unashamed and happy.

The look he is given has him kissing his beloved again and he smiles tremulously when they part.

"You're all that matters."

Everything Wen Kexing puts his energy in, he gives it everything. There is no holding back with him. His ghosts are (generally) loyal to him because he doesn't abuse them. He uses them, yes. Is often strict and harsh. Again yes. But not outright abuse. It's expected of the ghost lord.

With Zhou Zishu...he can just be himself. A-Xiang had told him he seems more human when he spends time with Zishu. No one else has ever affected him like Zishu has.

He moans happily as he's pulled into a deep kiss, willingly pressing into it as his eyes flutter closed to focus on the press of lips and dance of tongues. On how perfectly Zishu feels pressed against him. He feels like he's floating!

He swallows when the kiss breaks and his beloved speaks, and he grins, knowing he'll do the same. "We'll find someone," he echoes, already internally writing his first call for one. Or perhaps a team of them? He doesn't care as long as they save and heal his A-Xu.

He nuzzles their lips together, again and again, stealing little kisses just to try and wrap his soulmate up in his love and cement just how earnest he is about staying together. That nothing else matters.

"We are all that matters. Us two. Together."

Kexing isn't alone in seeming more human when they are together. Zishu had been colder than ice leading the Window of Heaven. Oh he too had been fair, never abusive, but strict, however he never let anyone see his true emotions. He had already asked so much of his followers; to draw them into his personal problems had felt...cruel. So he never did.

Then Wen Kexing had dropped into his life, inspiring mischief, smiles and laughter. It is almost like Zishu has reclaimed part of his innocence - and it happened so naturally that he can't doubt his connection to the infamous Ghost Lord. No one else will do.

The moan delights him, inflames him and he licks at Kexing's tongue, playing yet another game with him. He could happily spend the rest of eternity just like this and he sighs when the kiss ends, resting his head on a pillow.

"We can say our vows anywhere. I don't care if it's official in this place; as long as it is official to us." Zishu smiles a little more, "And you look so good in red."

Edited 2021-11-23 01:57 (UTC)

He loves teasing his A-Xu into smiling and laughing. It always feels like a victory, and warms the cloak of ice around him as well. Makes the mask just a little more real. But it felt natural, too. The moment their eyes had met, their bond had settled into place. No matter how much Zishu had resisted at first, or how much Kexing held back.

Soulmates.

Fated.

The lick makes him gasp before laughing and happily diving in to join the new game, letting their tongues tangle together and dance, learning every little crevice of each other's mouths. He gasps a little for breath when the kiss breaks, but only settles as close to Zishu as he can. Sharing that pillow, foreheads nudging together along with their noses.

He beams. "I like red. Wearing it for you is even better." He nuzzles their noses more pointedly. "I look forward to seeing you wear red for me. As for where...I want it to be outside, surrounded by flowers." Because of his beloved's connection to the seasons, it only makes sense. Add in flowers being beautiful, and he wants to say those vows in a beautiful place!

Was it ever a mask? Zishu doesn't believe their happiness was ever a trick or a ploy. Kexing might have thought so at the beginning, but their hearts have always known the truth. Any resistance had been futile and, frankly, a waste of a blessing. He will never feel worthy of said blessing, yet Kexing has made it clear that he wants to be with him. And Zishu is hungry and desperate for their love. Without it, he loses his will to live.

Grinning, his eyes closing, he purrs at their new game. His love is quick to play along and he thoroughly enjoys the deep kiss, exploring and teasing that cunning tongue until air is necessary. Spots of color rise on his cheeks and he beams at the position Kexing chooses. Zishu feels less broken, less hollow when his beloved shares his space.

"You will be stunning, my Lao Wen." he smiles, a little shy, "Will red be as kind to me? I will wear it for you."

The desire to have the ceremony outside has him kissing those tempting lips again.

"Perfect." Zishu smiles broadly, "Then even the gods will know we have decided to be one."

Zishu seems to brush past all his defenses. Kexing has stopped minding though. Stopped putting them up - lets his soulmate in. He doesn't care about if either of them deserve this perfection together. Just as long as they are together. Forever.

His heart warms at that purr and he happily lets his eyes close as well as their lips and tongues play. It leaves him humming happily, and he sighs as his eyes blink slowly open to settle back on his beloved. He smiles at those cute little bits of color on pale cheeks and rubs a loving hand over Zishu's back.

That doubt makes him chuckle, and playfully scolds. "A-Xu. Red doesn't dare look bad on you."

He laughs again as he's kissed and happily presses into it before ending the sweet kiss with a nuzzle of their lips.

"And the flowers."

He has been around too many people to not see beyond those defenses. At first he tried not to care; he tried to ignore them and Kexing too. But each time he saw a glimpse of Kexing's true self, he felt himself falling. Now he is openly in love and he wants to make it very clear that he wants his beloved in all ways.

His body just needs to heal first.

The happy hum and sigh warm his heart and soul. Zishu cards his fingers through Kexing's hair and massages the back of his neck. He licks his lips and tries to imagine tasting his beloved there. One day. One day soon.

"Do you command that color?" he presses their bodies flush, peering into those dark, entrancing eyes, "The flowers are the most important, you know. They listen to everything."

Zishu is too intelligent to be fooled completely, or for long. Kexing hadn't been able to resist stalking him until he gave in, bit by bit. Made a complete nuisance of himself! And now...there is no going back. No denying what is between them.

He's determined to help his beloved heal. Quickly. Thoroughly.

He sighs under that hand and melts, eyes fluttering closed as he enjoys the fingers through his hair and the massage to his neck. His arms tighten around his soulmate, pulling him a little closer. Loving how their bodies seem to automatically fit together so perfectly.

He smiles lazily at the question, eyes blinking partially open to meet Zishu's inquisitive gaze. "I do enjoy wearing red," he purrs, lips brushing playfully over Zishu's. "Aah? They do? Then it is good I make sure to verbally admire them!"

And once he is healed, Zishu will show Kexing all of the love he has been hiding inside of him. His husband will feel adored and never have any room to doubt that what they have will last forever. For the moment, all he can do is dream about those days - and that is easy to do with Kexing touching him and kissing him.

Of course he returns what he is given. Those soft strands of hair, so silky and shiny deserve to be caressed and pet. He too notices how their bodies just...fit. Kexing's amusement has him grinning too and he sucks on those lips when he is kissed, chuckling.

"Since it's your color, I trust it will treat me kindly." Zishu flushes and tilts his head, "My Lao Wen talks to the flowers? What do you tell them?"

Once Zishu is healed, Kexing will carry him off somewhere to show him just how fiercely he's loved. They won't be seen for several days, at the very least. But it's a dream that he's willing to wait for, if it means his soulmate heals and recovers from that torture. For now, kissing and holding will just have to do!

The sucking on his lips leaves him shuddering, breath catching, and a little dazed. How easily this man affects him!

He'd have it no other way.

Kexing chuckles, a little shy about having admitted such a thing. But not, at the same time. His beloved is, after all, the lord of a manor which is rather well known for the seasons. Nudging their noses together, he gazes peacefully into his husband's eyes. "I mention their beauty, how strong they are. How wise they and their lord are." Even when Zishu is stupid and tortured himself by giving himself the nails. He still feels his beloved is wise.

At least, Zishu has a better moral compass than he does, and understands people in a different way than Kexing, if not better.

He has tried to imagine what heaven would be like for him. Each time his mind would fill with memories of his Master, his family, his friends and disciples. All smiling, all happy. Yet Zishu had been left feeling empty by the sight. Almost...detached. Does he belong with them anymore? Can he allow himself that luxury?

He doesn't know. However his heaven has shifted since meeting Kexing. Perhaps those he has lost are there - or nearby - but all Zishu can see is his beloved. Spending time with him, touching him, kissing him, hearing his voice and his laughter are all Zishu craves. This is where he belongs. This is a place for him to claim and enjoy at long last.

The dazed look he is given makes him laugh and he snuggles his soulmate against him, pressing his lips to his temple.

No, this is where he wants to be. Always.

"They must love you." he narrows his eyes, feigning suspicion, "Is their lord wise? I think he's rather slow-witted personally."

To not see that paradise awaited him just outside of the Window of Heaven's doors.

One day Zishu will meet them again. But it won't be soon. Not if Kexing has anything to do about it. It'll be many years down the line, and Zishu won't meet them alone.

Kexing knows himself, since meeting Zishu and having the amazing realization that his soulmate accepts all of him. Nothing else really matters, not if it meant keeping Zishu alive and well. If he'd known how his beloved would have reacted to his apparent death, he would have included him in the planning.

He laughs, a bit breathless as he's snuggled, and rolls to settle his husband on top of him. Then sighs in pure bliss, eyes closing for a long moment. A lazy smile curls his lips at the question, and the observation has him pout a little, eyes blinking slowly open.

"I think their lord is a little silly, but too beautiful and warm for me to mind."

When that day comes, Kexing will be introduced to everyone. Zishu trusts his family will welcome him with open arms. There is so much to love about his soulmate and they will cherish Kexing in the same way as Xiang and Chengling.

He believes and trusts that not including him in the planning had been an innocent oversight. If anything, he scolds himself more than his beloved. He should have been more open with his feelings before that point. How could Kexing be expected to read his mind?

Which is why he is so demonstrative now. Finding himself on top of his husband-to-be has him laughing too and he relaxes, resting his cheek against Kexing's warm chest. He does tilt his head to see that pout, arching a brow.

"Is that an example of the pot calling the kettle black?"

Meaning he thinks Kexing is a little silly too.

A-Xiang and even the little idiot deserve to be cherished and loved! Kexing just needs his A-Xu's love to be happy and content. But he will enjoy meeting the rest of those important to his beloved...when the proper time comes for it.

They've learned from that mistake - the hard way, and are now paying the price. Together. They won't repeat it! And Kexing loves how affectionate his soulmate is letting himself be. He's rather addicted to it! Greedy for every flicker of demonstration of the love he'd already known was there.

He smiles and lets his hands smooth over Zishu's back and hair. Then pouts, managing to laugh at the same time.

"That just means we're Fated!" So there!

Hopefully that day will come after they spend years and years together, celebrating their love. Then they can move into the afterlife as one, inseparable and at peace.

Zishu makes himself into a blanket of sorts, splaying himself over his beloved and happily listening to Kexing's heart beating beneath his ear. His Lao Wen is full of life and no sound is lovelier or more precious. He rubs a hand over the strong chest and hums his agreement.

"We are Fated and I wouldn't have it any other way." he snuggles and stretches, "I don't want to live without you anymore."

And no sooner. Kexing wants his beloved to live a long, full life of love and joy. And be there right beside him every step of the way. Then they can pass onto the afterlife together.

Feeling his beloved's weight settle over him is one of the best things he's experienced. He loves how Zishu presses his ear to his chest. He tugs to adjust the blanket so it wraps around them both in their new entwined position and strokes a hand over Zishu's lovely back and shoulder blades, smiling adoringly at him.

"Nor do I, A-Xu. So get some sleep. I will call for healers tomorrow."

Feeling the weight of the blanket on his back increases his sleepiness. Zishu can't recall a time he felt so loved. Kexing has the ability to make him feel a thousand times - no a million times - more important, more cherished than Prince Jin ever did. With just a smile, his soulmate gives him a home; a place to rest.

"I love you."

It's important that his beloved knows that. Should he pass in his sleep, he wants Kexing to know that down to his bones. Zishu claims one last kiss, this one tender and sweet, before he lays his head on Kexing's chest again, sighing contentedly.

That sense of being loved is exactly what he'd wanted his beloved to feel. Kexing traces over those perfect shoulder blades and over that lovely back that slopes lazily yet elegantly. He presses a loving kiss to Zishu's temple, lingering as those words wrap around his heart.

"I love you too, my A-Xu. Zhou Zishu."

Just as it is important for Zishu to know he is loved, both with action and with words. But Kexing also knows that if Zishu dies in his sleep...he'll take his own fan, or use his soulmate's sword, and cut his own throat. There is no living without Zishu now.

He leans into the sweet kiss, eyes fluttering closed to enjoy it just as he has every single other one from this man. He hums when it breaks and tugs the blanket a little more up over them before curling his arms around his beloved to sleep.

Hearing his name from those lovely all-too-kissable lips is a pleasure. Zishu turns his head and kisses the center of Kexing's chest, snuggling close, his eyes half-closed. It amuses him that Kexing finds shoulder-blades and backs attractive. He will make a point of wearing very little to bed just for his soulmate's sake.

"Good night, my Lao Wen."

Everything is right again - his poor state put aside. All that matters is this. Them. His Lao Wen has been returned to him and Zishu slips into a good, deep slumber. Nightmares do not visit him; his Kexing keeps them far away. But he does dream of them in a garden filled with flowers.

He loves the feeling of those lips on his skin, over his heart. Loves those adorable snuggles.

And why do they need to wear anything at all to bed?

"Mm...Good night, A-Xu," he murmurs lovingly. Despite all his worries over Zishu's health, he falls asleep under the other's comforting weight. His dreams are just as sweet, for once. Thanks to his soulmate's presence.

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[Open] I want to feel the fire that you kept from me.

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cw: mention of that self-harm

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cw: pretend death mention

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[CW: Talk of dying.]

CW: Talk of suicide >>

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