westwhere | [Open] I want to feel the fire that you kept from me.

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[Open] I want to feel the fire that you kept from me.

WHO: Zhou Zishu & OPEN! Wide open!
WHEN: His arrival~ Er. Re-arrival?
WHERE: Around. This man likes to wander.
WHAT: He's in bad shape and not able to hide it very well.
WARNINGS: A dying man, deep grief, thoughts verging on suicidal + TBD if any others crop up.

[Blind & Deaf]

The palace spins around him, the voices distant, meaningless. Zhou Zishu goes where he is directed, takes possession of his crystal and tries to swallow the heavy, nauseating fact that he has failed someone else dear to him. His days will surely run out here - wherever here might be - and the one responsible for everything will continue to...hurt others. Continue to lie and cheat and be praised for it.

"I'm sorry, Lao Wen." he whispers, barely moving his lips. He turns his back on the nobility, the opulence and wanders the halls, looking for a quiet place to wait. If he goes without food and drink, surely his end will come quicker. And then...

Will he see Wen Kexing again?

[Garden]

He finds the blooms, the greenery and settles himself at the base of a tree. Moving his body takes effort and he can no longer rest. Sleeping robs him of hours he can't risk losing. Baiyi, his sword, lays across his lap, his fragile (yet still skilled) hands laying across the blade.

The flowers are given a distant smile that doesn't reach his eyes. Maybe he could stay here. Forget a room; forget what they asked of him. Just let him become one with these beautiful plants. And if anyone disagrees, Baiyi will reprimand them.

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And once he is healed, Zishu will show Kexing all of the love he has been hiding inside of him. His husband will feel adored and never have any room to doubt that what they have will last forever. For the moment, all he can do is dream about those days - and that is easy to do with Kexing touching him and kissing him.

Of course he returns what he is given. Those soft strands of hair, so silky and shiny deserve to be caressed and pet. He too notices how their bodies just...fit. Kexing's amusement has him grinning too and he sucks on those lips when he is kissed, chuckling.

"Since it's your color, I trust it will treat me kindly." Zishu flushes and tilts his head, "My Lao Wen talks to the flowers? What do you tell them?"

Once Zishu is healed, Kexing will carry him off somewhere to show him just how fiercely he's loved. They won't be seen for several days, at the very least. But it's a dream that he's willing to wait for, if it means his soulmate heals and recovers from that torture. For now, kissing and holding will just have to do!

The sucking on his lips leaves him shuddering, breath catching, and a little dazed. How easily this man affects him!

He'd have it no other way.

Kexing chuckles, a little shy about having admitted such a thing. But not, at the same time. His beloved is, after all, the lord of a manor which is rather well known for the seasons. Nudging their noses together, he gazes peacefully into his husband's eyes. "I mention their beauty, how strong they are. How wise they and their lord are." Even when Zishu is stupid and tortured himself by giving himself the nails. He still feels his beloved is wise.

At least, Zishu has a better moral compass than he does, and understands people in a different way than Kexing, if not better.

He has tried to imagine what heaven would be like for him. Each time his mind would fill with memories of his Master, his family, his friends and disciples. All smiling, all happy. Yet Zishu had been left feeling empty by the sight. Almost...detached. Does he belong with them anymore? Can he allow himself that luxury?

He doesn't know. However his heaven has shifted since meeting Kexing. Perhaps those he has lost are there - or nearby - but all Zishu can see is his beloved. Spending time with him, touching him, kissing him, hearing his voice and his laughter are all Zishu craves. This is where he belongs. This is a place for him to claim and enjoy at long last.

The dazed look he is given makes him laugh and he snuggles his soulmate against him, pressing his lips to his temple.

No, this is where he wants to be. Always.

"They must love you." he narrows his eyes, feigning suspicion, "Is their lord wise? I think he's rather slow-witted personally."

To not see that paradise awaited him just outside of the Window of Heaven's doors.

One day Zishu will meet them again. But it won't be soon. Not if Kexing has anything to do about it. It'll be many years down the line, and Zishu won't meet them alone.

Kexing knows himself, since meeting Zishu and having the amazing realization that his soulmate accepts all of him. Nothing else really matters, not if it meant keeping Zishu alive and well. If he'd known how his beloved would have reacted to his apparent death, he would have included him in the planning.

He laughs, a bit breathless as he's snuggled, and rolls to settle his husband on top of him. Then sighs in pure bliss, eyes closing for a long moment. A lazy smile curls his lips at the question, and the observation has him pout a little, eyes blinking slowly open.

"I think their lord is a little silly, but too beautiful and warm for me to mind."

When that day comes, Kexing will be introduced to everyone. Zishu trusts his family will welcome him with open arms. There is so much to love about his soulmate and they will cherish Kexing in the same way as Xiang and Chengling.

He believes and trusts that not including him in the planning had been an innocent oversight. If anything, he scolds himself more than his beloved. He should have been more open with his feelings before that point. How could Kexing be expected to read his mind?

Which is why he is so demonstrative now. Finding himself on top of his husband-to-be has him laughing too and he relaxes, resting his cheek against Kexing's warm chest. He does tilt his head to see that pout, arching a brow.

"Is that an example of the pot calling the kettle black?"

Meaning he thinks Kexing is a little silly too.

A-Xiang and even the little idiot deserve to be cherished and loved! Kexing just needs his A-Xu's love to be happy and content. But he will enjoy meeting the rest of those important to his beloved...when the proper time comes for it.

They've learned from that mistake - the hard way, and are now paying the price. Together. They won't repeat it! And Kexing loves how affectionate his soulmate is letting himself be. He's rather addicted to it! Greedy for every flicker of demonstration of the love he'd already known was there.

He smiles and lets his hands smooth over Zishu's back and hair. Then pouts, managing to laugh at the same time.

"That just means we're Fated!" So there!

Hopefully that day will come after they spend years and years together, celebrating their love. Then they can move into the afterlife as one, inseparable and at peace.

Zishu makes himself into a blanket of sorts, splaying himself over his beloved and happily listening to Kexing's heart beating beneath his ear. His Lao Wen is full of life and no sound is lovelier or more precious. He rubs a hand over the strong chest and hums his agreement.

"We are Fated and I wouldn't have it any other way." he snuggles and stretches, "I don't want to live without you anymore."

And no sooner. Kexing wants his beloved to live a long, full life of love and joy. And be there right beside him every step of the way. Then they can pass onto the afterlife together.

Feeling his beloved's weight settle over him is one of the best things he's experienced. He loves how Zishu presses his ear to his chest. He tugs to adjust the blanket so it wraps around them both in their new entwined position and strokes a hand over Zishu's lovely back and shoulder blades, smiling adoringly at him.

"Nor do I, A-Xu. So get some sleep. I will call for healers tomorrow."

Feeling the weight of the blanket on his back increases his sleepiness. Zishu can't recall a time he felt so loved. Kexing has the ability to make him feel a thousand times - no a million times - more important, more cherished than Prince Jin ever did. With just a smile, his soulmate gives him a home; a place to rest.

"I love you."

It's important that his beloved knows that. Should he pass in his sleep, he wants Kexing to know that down to his bones. Zishu claims one last kiss, this one tender and sweet, before he lays his head on Kexing's chest again, sighing contentedly.

That sense of being loved is exactly what he'd wanted his beloved to feel. Kexing traces over those perfect shoulder blades and over that lovely back that slopes lazily yet elegantly. He presses a loving kiss to Zishu's temple, lingering as those words wrap around his heart.

"I love you too, my A-Xu. Zhou Zishu."

Just as it is important for Zishu to know he is loved, both with action and with words. But Kexing also knows that if Zishu dies in his sleep...he'll take his own fan, or use his soulmate's sword, and cut his own throat. There is no living without Zishu now.

He leans into the sweet kiss, eyes fluttering closed to enjoy it just as he has every single other one from this man. He hums when it breaks and tugs the blanket a little more up over them before curling his arms around his beloved to sleep.

Hearing his name from those lovely all-too-kissable lips is a pleasure. Zishu turns his head and kisses the center of Kexing's chest, snuggling close, his eyes half-closed. It amuses him that Kexing finds shoulder-blades and backs attractive. He will make a point of wearing very little to bed just for his soulmate's sake.

"Good night, my Lao Wen."

Everything is right again - his poor state put aside. All that matters is this. Them. His Lao Wen has been returned to him and Zishu slips into a good, deep slumber. Nightmares do not visit him; his Kexing keeps them far away. But he does dream of them in a garden filled with flowers.

He loves the feeling of those lips on his skin, over his heart. Loves those adorable snuggles.

And why do they need to wear anything at all to bed?

"Mm...Good night, A-Xu," he murmurs lovingly. Despite all his worries over Zishu's health, he falls asleep under the other's comforting weight. His dreams are just as sweet, for once. Thanks to his soulmate's presence.

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[Open] I want to feel the fire that you kept from me.

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cw: mention of that self-harm

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cw: pretend death mention

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[CW: Talk of dying.]

CW: Talk of suicide >>

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