westwhere | [Open] I want to feel the fire that you kept from me.

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[Open] I want to feel the fire that you kept from me.

WHO: Zhou Zishu & OPEN! Wide open!
WHEN: His arrival~ Er. Re-arrival?
WHERE: Around. This man likes to wander.
WHAT: He's in bad shape and not able to hide it very well.
WARNINGS: A dying man, deep grief, thoughts verging on suicidal + TBD if any others crop up.

[Blind & Deaf]

The palace spins around him, the voices distant, meaningless. Zhou Zishu goes where he is directed, takes possession of his crystal and tries to swallow the heavy, nauseating fact that he has failed someone else dear to him. His days will surely run out here - wherever here might be - and the one responsible for everything will continue to...hurt others. Continue to lie and cheat and be praised for it.

"I'm sorry, Lao Wen." he whispers, barely moving his lips. He turns his back on the nobility, the opulence and wanders the halls, looking for a quiet place to wait. If he goes without food and drink, surely his end will come quicker. And then...

Will he see Wen Kexing again?

[Garden]

He finds the blooms, the greenery and settles himself at the base of a tree. Moving his body takes effort and he can no longer rest. Sleeping robs him of hours he can't risk losing. Baiyi, his sword, lays across his lap, his fragile (yet still skilled) hands laying across the blade.

The flowers are given a distant smile that doesn't reach his eyes. Maybe he could stay here. Forget a room; forget what they asked of him. Just let him become one with these beautiful plants. And if anyone disagrees, Baiyi will reprimand them.

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He hasn't gotten any rest since Kexing fell and it doesn't entirely surprise him that he is feeling sleepy. He can count on one hand the number of people he trusts enough to let himself relax completely around them. His soulmate is first on that list and Zishu fights back a yawn, thinking, for the first time, of his new bed.

"Swear?" he nips at the hand touching his cheek before he nuzzles against Kexing's palm. About the cliffs and the lies, of course.

"Why didn't you tell me?" the quiet question remains; he can't push it away - he can't bury it under his relief and fatigue, "I would've helped you too."

Kexing hardly sleeps as it is, unless Zishu or A-Xiang are with him. Or unless he's managed to drink enough the voices are quiet. The yawn Zishu gives decides him, but the nip and demand to swear stops him from scooping Zishu right up and carrying him to bed to sleep.

The nuzzling claims his soul, and he nuzzles the top of Zishu's head. "I swear. No more cliffs. And I will never lie to you again."

As for why he hadn't told his soulmate about his plan, he hesitates, but then stands and helps Zishu back to his feet. He wraps an arm around his waist and guides him to his room - he doesn't know where his A-Xu has been settled, and so his new room will just have to do.

It doesn't matter who sees them, not enough for him to pull away. Only when he gets them, eventually, to his room does he speak. "It seemed...best. I don't know why anymore."

He will sleep with Kexing beside him. The pain isn't as powerful as the bond they share and while his dreams might not be pleasant, he at least rests. He feels the nuzzling and turns his face further against Kexing's shoulder, breathing in his scent deeply.

"I promise you the same, Lao Wen." he smiles to himself at the hesitation and he lets himself be lifted up and guided to a room he doesn't recognize. It must belong to Kexing. Later he will memorize how much distance lies between their quarters and the best way to cross it quickly.

"You were afraid I would stop you. You were afraid I would disapprove." Zishu lays a hand on Kexing's chest, "For what he did to you, to your family, he deserves to die."

Deeply, too. Nothing is stronger than their bond. Kexing is still trying to fully accept that. He can never be alone again. Not while Zishu still lives, and even then...he won't continue. He'll just follow.

He beams when he feels his soulmate breathe in, flushing a little when he recognizes Zishu is breathing in his scent (hopefully he still smells nice!). It softens when the same vow is made to him, and he tightens his hold a little around Zishu.

Closing the door after them, he locks it and guides his soulmate to the comfortable bed, even if it's strange and not quite like the ones they're used to. Listening to his soulmate's thought on why he'd kept him in the dark, he has to nod in agreement. The hand Zishu rests against his chest might well feel the heart under it racing.

It's difficult to think of, but also...easier now. Now that all his memories have been unlocked. "...No...A-Xu. That's not the deal I made," he murmurs. "Exposing him to his peers, then making him helpless...then I will give him to his son. To Scorpion. Alive."

A fate worse than death, really. To be helpless. To be completely at the mercy of another. To be humiliated with every breath taken.

He's not sorry.

Kexing could smell like sweat or blood or perhaps something worse; Zishu would only be concerned about his well-being. Fortunately, however, his scent is none of those things and it leaves Zishu feeling stable and comforted. His soulmate is alive. He is in this strange world with him. Tomorrow, they can tackle what needs to happen next. But tonight, he can rest.

The bed doesn't faze him and he takes off his boots before laying down on it. Thanks to his role - "role" rather - in the palace, he has been freshly bathed and he looks better than he feels. Then again, he is feeling much better now that he isn't alone.

He glances up at his beloved when he feels that racing heart and then...he feels something new. Unwelcome. Is that a curl of jealousy?

"Are you close to...Scorpion?"

The punishment is likely more fitting than he realizes and yet that is the point his tired mind fixates on.

They're both freshly bathed, thanks to their roles here. But Kexing only cares for watching over Zishu - the rest can hang for all he cares, unless they can heal his A-Xu. Then they can live.

He pulls his boots off as well and shrugs off the heaviest layer before helping Zishu with the same before stretching out beside him and pulling the blankets up and over them. He blinks at that hint of jealousy and it makes him laugh suddenly, smiling fondly at his beloved.

"A-Xu," he murmurs, expression relaxing as he gazes adoringly at his soulmate. "He's just a tool. We were using each other. Nothing more." As warm as that jealousy makes him feel...he doesn't want Zishu to believe there was anything between him and Scorpion.

Shrugging off his outer robe, Zishu winces as his body protests. However Kexing makes the process easier for him and soon he is laying back again, the blanket tucked over...them...neatly. They have slept side by side in the past, but never fully on the same bed. It really is a shame he feels so weak!

The laughter earns a frown, but it melts into an apologetic blush at the explanation.

"He can't hurt you, I trust?" he turns onto his side so he can see Kexing better. Colors have become dull, yet his soulmate stands out. If he is destined to lose his sight, he wants Wen Kexing's face to be the last thing he sees.

The wince worries him, so of course he helps his soulmate in removing layers so he can rest easier. Getting to sleep so close to Zishu...it warms his heart right up, and sooths it to a slower, comfortable pace. He also settles on his side, unwilling to look away just yet.

Perhaps he'll just have to find a way to never look away from Zishu, ever again! He smiles at that cute blush and brushes fingertips over a cheek, though he knows the sad fact that his beloved's senses are dulled now.

"He wouldn't dare." Maybe he's over confident. But it doesn't matter here, does it?

He takes hold of Kexing's hand and nestles those graceful fingers against his cheek. Scooting closer, he snuggles against his soulmate, the other half of his heart, and lets his guard disintegrate. He is safe with this man, his beloved, his junior, and he trusts they will conquer tomorrow and the days to come.

He won't let Kexing die. Going through that once had been horrible enough.

"I pity him. No one deserves such a poor father figure." Zishu strokes a hand over Kexing's cheek, "You are real, aren't you?"

The snuggling makes him utterly melt and he wraps his free arm around Zishu, pulling him close. Of course he lets his soulmate keep his hand, and he strokes his thumb over his cheek. He rests their foreheads together but can't bear to tear his gaze away.

For all his experience in brothels, he'd never felt so seen. So accepted, as he does with Zhou Zishu. And...his soulmate knows who he is now. And still accepts him. He turns his face to nuzzle that hand, pressing a smile and a kiss to Zishu's palm.

"I'm here, A-Xu. Beside you forever." As for Scorpion, he shrugs. "His talents were wasted." But then he pouts a little, giving his beloved a sulky look. "Why are we still talking about him?"

It amazes him that he can have this at all. Zishu has never allowed himself indulgence - of course that isn't to say he has never made use of a brothel. The few times he did, he left feeling...empty. And any dalliances he might have had - briefly - with members of his sect were quickly forgotten once the sun rose on a new day. He isn't sure if anyone has ever pined for him - he pities them if they have - but Wen Kexing is the first man who has ever made him pine.

He loves him. He hurts for him. He wants to be beside him until time itself ends. The kiss makes him smile and the expression becomes more amused as his beloved speaks.

"You're right. I would rather talk about you." Zishu presses his lips against that pout, kissing those soft lips lightly, "I love you, Lao Wen."

Wen Kexing has always appreciated and enjoyed male beauty. But then he'd met Zhou Zishu as adults. How could he really even look at another now? He certainly hasn't touched. Women - sure, he's let them drape over him, fawning, and poured him wine as entertainment. They were beautiful, but they were there for the money he provided for their services.

What Zishu is is far deeper and more precious. Priceless. He relaxes when he's with his A-Xu. He can even believe he feels peace.

He loves those smiles. He laughs as he gets another kiss, his heart skipping a beat as he melts against it. Only to flush at those sweet words. He leans in to claim a kiss of his own, lingering in the loving affection before murmuring against his love's lips, "really really?" A childish question, he knows. Claims another feather-light kiss before sobering, gazing into his soulmate's eyes.

"You are my everything, Zhou Zishu. I need you more than air or food or wine."

Zishu enjoys both male and female beauty - more so the latter before he met Kexing. There had been a running joke that he would eventually find a woman who would tether him into marriage. But that never happened nor could it happen now. Wen Kexing isn't tethering him; he loves the man for a thousand reasons and he knows he has his freedom with him. They will live by their terms - not anyone else's.

He cups Kexing's cheek, his thumb caressing as he enjoys their kisses. The returned affection is welcome and he presses into it.

"Mmm really really." Zishu grins and slips an arm around Kexing's waist, "You have me."

No matter what happens. You have me. He embraces his soulmate, relief flooding him. He's alive, so his life can continue. For the sake of one.

Now no woman can have his A-Xu. Kexing won't allow it, he'd get too jealous!

It's a challenge to hold himself back, now that he has permission to kiss and hold this beautiful, perfect man. Only the fear of going too far, of actually hurting his soulmate keeps him from dragging all their clothes off and joining their bodies together.

Later. He promises himself there will be a later. They will succeed. Zishu will be healed. But there is one thing he can do to seal that promise of 'later', and he smiles into another kiss, gazing into his beloved's eyes.

"Marry me." He's already so very addicted to these kisses, he can barely imagine how much better sex will be!

Zishu would never bring a woman or man between them! He would never test their bond that way - and, really, it would be unfair to the third party. They could never win.

He knows that hunger too. His mind and his heart are ready for them to join, but his body isn't strong enough. That doesn't stop him from touching, tracing over Kexing's handsome face and down across his strong shoulders. Their kisses make him feel dizzy and he nibbles on his soulmate's lower lip, losing himself in the softness.

Until he hears those words. Marriage? Zishu grabs onto Kexing's robe, bunching the fabric in his hands. Yes his heart screams! But is that fair?

"Lao Wen, I want nothing more." he smiles brokenly, trembling, "Is it fair to you? I want to give you my best and..."

How can he like this?

Even another man...well, they could join them. Maybe. No, that would be a lie, wouldn't it? Kexing is simply too jealous a beast to share his A-Xu like that with anyone.

Each touch sinks in and wraps around his heart, piecing it back together and he does his best to answer each one in kind. He embraces the dizziness! The nibbling leaves him humming, eyes half closed in a blissful haze.

He spoke from the heart, needing his soulmate to know just how serious he is about them. Feeling those hands grip his robe, and the trembling has him wrap his beloved up in gentle arms, burying his face against Zishu's shoulder. Breathing in before pulling back to claim another soft kiss.

"I just need you. Think of it as...another reason to find a way to stay with me. We'll be together no matter what." Be it in life, or death. Kexing is past caring when it comes to himself.

Why does he have to share? Kexing will discover that Zishu is also a jealous creature, though it is perhaps more playful on his end. Until it isn't, of course. If his Lao Wen pledges himself to him, he takes that very seriously.

His fingertips graze Kexing's muscled chest and he presses his palm against his Lao Wen's side when they are kissing. Zishu makes sure to taste those sinfully lovely lips, his lips curving happily when he sees Kexing enjoying the attention.

And then he is wrapped in those arms that seem to erase his pain and guilt. His trembling quiets and he blushes, pressing into the kiss despite his fears. But Kexing surely knows... It's not like Zishu has hidden anything from him.

"...alright." he agrees, embracing his soulmate tightly, not caring if any part of him aches, "Yes, Lao Wen, I will marry you."

So they can be together. Zishu has proven he is willing to die to be with Kexing. Why shouldn't the reverse be true? Yet the love he is given humbles him and he is determined to not let it go to waste.

No sharing then. One of them is an angry, violent jealous man, while the other is playfully jealous. Not a good match for anyone who might want to wiggle between them!

Kiss after kiss after kiss. Kexing decides he could be happy enough if all they ever did was kiss. More than this would send him to heaven!

He loves (and marvels) at how his embrace seems to sooth his A-Xu. That blush entrances him and he nuzzles it with another low hum, hands gently smoothing over Zishu's back and sides. Touching. Caressing. Learning this precious man's body despite the clothes still between them.

And then the agreement comes and he beams, pressing in for another kiss to share all the emotions he's never sure how to express. Love. Awe. Pure delight. But also his fierce determination to find a cure for his beloved, so they won't have to die together.

So they can live together.

His heaven is in his arms, kissing him again and again. Zishu hates that his sense of taste is so dull, that his nerves can't ignite, tingling and warming his flesh thanks to Kexing's wandering hands. But he is grateful that he can feel some of it and he closes his eyes, humming when his soulmate finds a good spot.

"My silly Lao Wen." he murmurs, just as awed, one of his hands cupping Kexing's cheek, "May I sleep here with you?"

Here, he knows he can get some rest. On his own, the possibility is questionable and he realizes that he will feel lonely. But then he glances away, frowning.

"I won't bother you if I do, will I?" since they both know that the pain wakes him sometimes.

Every time his Zishu indicates Kexing had found a good spot, he pauses to pay special attention to it. His poor love is always in such pain, he just wants to help him feel good!

He hears himself laugh a little at being called silly, but grins and presses a kiss to that palm. He nuzzles it before pressing his cheek against it, sighing softly.

"Yes," he immediately answers. His arms tighten just a little around his soulmate. The look away tells him what bothers his beloved, and he only shakes his head. "I'd rather be here with you if you wake, so I can help." Please wake me, his eyes beg, just in case Zishu looks back in time to see it.

He has no shame in arching and enjoying what those loved hands give him. Zhou Zishu is not a self-indulgent man and so it is very likely that no one has touched him like this.

His eyes open slowly at the kiss to his hand and he caresses his thumb over Kexing's lips, tracing their shape. Zishu then shifts just enough to press a kiss to his soulmate's forehead. There is no one more precious to him.

"My sleep is better...deeper...when I am beside you." he snuggles into the tighter grip, rubbing over Kexing's back, "You are too good to me. If you ever need uninterrupted slumber, tell me? You won't hurt my feelings."

It's an incredible sight and feeling to watch Zishu move like this - it catches and steals his breath! Where Zishu isn't self-indulgent, Wen Kexing is. Whenever there's something he wants, be it food or drink or clothes, or someone to warm his bed, he gets it. But making sure his beloved feels pleasure trumps all of that and he feels his face flush as he watches, admiring his A-Xu.

The flush darkens as his forehead is kissed, and his lips traced. He couldn't love Zhou Zishu more. He dares to shift, to entangle their legs together so they can curl even closer together with a little sigh of delight.

"A-Xu," he murmurs, lips curling happily upward as he fondly scolds. "Have you already forgotten how I'd rather play for you all night, so you can rest well, than sleep myself? I have my xiao. I can still do that here."

Bed warmers would have been simple for him to acquire once upon a time. But now? Zishu knows that he looks ill and has looked ill since Kexing found him. Frankly it's amazing that the other man is attracted to him at all. Zishu isn't certain what Kexing sees in him, but oh how he wishes (and dreams about!) his soulmate seeing him at his best! He gives a little shiver and nuzzles his lips against one of those flushed cheeks.

Feeling their legs sliding together under the covers is one of the best sensations. Zishu groans softly and holds Kexing against him, chuckling at the reminder.

"It's not healthy for you to do that often. I want to look after you too." he looks a little mischievous, adding, voice low, "You will be my husband."

Kexing has never seen that illness. Oh, he's aware of it. He knows his beloved is dying - and now much more rapidly than before. But he'd always seen past it, to the beauty Zishu was before the nails, and the beauty and health he's determined to see Zishu returned to.

He beams in delight at that groan and nuzzles their noses together. The bright smile softens though, relaxes as he gazes at his soulmate.

"I would play for you every night if it helped. If it keeps you with me, I will do just that. I can sleep in the mornings, it's no trouble." A feather-light kiss gets pressed to Zishu's lips. "Yes, I get to be your husband. That's all I care about being now." No playful teasing. Just a quiet statement with a touch of joy.

His heart in his eyes, bared just for Zhou Zishu to see and do with as he pleases.

It angers Zishu that he gave so much to Prince Jin, sacrificed so much for a man who doesn't and never has given a damn. Wen Kexing, on the other hand, cares; he cares so deeply that his heart threatens to rip him into pieces. But Zishu wants to keep his treasure, his soulmate, his husband-to-be in one precious piece. That means he has to live and show Kexing love every day. Any sacrifices he makes from here on out will be for him and only him.

Zishu grins, completely charmed by his beloved's bright smile. He buries a hand in Kexing's hair and pulls him into a deep kiss.

"Stay with me...in this place. We will find a healer or a necromancer. Someone will be able to help." he shudders at the sweet weight of those next words, "Being your husband is everything I've ever wanted." and he will call himself that openly, letting this world know where he stands, unashamed and happy.

The look he is given has him kissing his beloved again and he smiles tremulously when they part.

"You're all that matters."

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