[Open] I want to feel the fire that you kept from me.

[eternallywandering]

WHO: Zhou Zishu & OPEN! Wide open!
WHEN: His arrival~ Er. Re-arrival?
WHERE: Around. This man likes to wander.
WHAT: He's in bad shape and not able to hide it very well.
WARNINGS: A dying man, deep grief, thoughts verging on suicidal + TBD if any others crop up.

[Blind & Deaf]

The palace spins around him, the voices distant, meaningless. Zhou Zishu goes where he is directed, takes possession of his crystal and tries to swallow the heavy, nauseating fact that he has failed someone else dear to him. His days will surely run out here - wherever here might be - and the one responsible for everything will continue to...hurt others. Continue to lie and cheat and be praised for it.

"I'm sorry, Lao Wen." he whispers, barely moving his lips. He turns his back on the nobility, the opulence and wanders the halls, looking for a quiet place to wait. If he goes without food and drink, surely his end will come quicker. And then...

Will he see Wen Kexing again?

[Garden]

He finds the blooms, the greenery and settles himself at the base of a tree. Moving his body takes effort and he can no longer rest. Sleeping robs him of hours he can't risk losing. Baiyi, his sword, lays across his lap, his fragile (yet still skilled) hands laying across the blade.

The flowers are given a distant smile that doesn't reach his eyes. Maybe he could stay here. Forget a room; forget what they asked of him. Just let him become one with these beautiful plants. And if anyone disagrees, Baiyi will reprimand them.

Comments

[eternallywandering]

"I'm always happy to help." Zishu reminds him, "It wouldn't take long and you're clever." so memorizing the textures wouldn't be daunting either.

The garden is lush and vibrant; green and so many colors, yet Zishu quickly decides that the beauty of it can't match the young man before him. He sees how deeply the descriptions affect Xingchen and a long-dead urge fills his chest. Setting Baiyi off to the side - still within easy reach - he leans forward and gently slides his arms around Xingchen's shoulders, pulling the man, carefully, into an embrace.

If he loses his sight... If he loses his hearing... His sense of touch and taste... Zishu wants to be like this man. He wants to find the beauty in the world, to enjoy it no matter his shortcomings. Xiao Xingchen has taught him that they simply don't matter. A person can be whole regardless.

Zishu's hands are gentle as they hold the other man, not forcing him to stay. And Xingchen's gratitude will be returned, his voice shaking as tears roll down his cheeks.

"No, thank you."

[binghua]

This is not what Xingchen expected today, to be hugged by a man he's just met, and yet he is. It takes him by surprise, but not an unpleasant one. For a few moments he's there, Zhou Zishu wrapped loosely around him, and Xingchen basks in it. A kind embrace, a grateful embrace, there are probably few things that are better. Eventually he brings up his own arms, reciprocating, but also loosely. They aren't close and this place isn't safe, despite how peaceful the garden may seem.

But Xingchen holds him, hears the tremor in his voice, and guesses what else may be happening. It's fine. Everyone expresses themselves differently.

So he stays there, letting Zhou Zishu hold him as he wishes. Xingchen thinks he could sit like this for the rest of the day. It's greedy, he knows. Zhou Zishu undoubtedly has other things he'll need to do at some point and Xingchen isn't going to be the person to keep him from them.

After breathing in and breathing out and soaking in as much of this closeness as he thinks is reasonable, Xingchen slowly pulls back, but not entirely. One of his hands gently searches for Zhou Zishu's face and, upon finding one damp cheek, he tugs his sleeve over his hand to dab at the tear tracks. No comments accompany his action. There's no shame in this, but he'll help his new friend save some face.

[eternallywandering]

He hadn't expected this either! But he has been charmed by Xingchen since he heard him talking to the flowers. It does him good to see someone who has obviously overcome great difficulty living well. But there is more to it than that. Xingchen's honest, humble nature reminds him of those he has lost - disciples, friends, his teachers. Zishu wishes he could hold them and apologize for failing to save them.

That realization leaves him worried for this man. Those who are genuinely good - who are morally upright - tend to be targeted by those who want to use them for their own gain. Zishu doesn't know if he is the right person to look out for Xingchen - or anyone - but he has to try.

Especially after his tears are dried by his new friend's soft sleeve. He lets out a shaky laugh and takes hold of Xingchen's hand, holding it between his own.

"There is something about you that reminds me of home. I lost...everyone." he admits quietly, "I couldn't save them. I think you would have liked my Master." his lips curve sadly, "He was kind and gentle like you."

[binghua]

He lets his hand be held as Zhou Zishu opens up. There's a grief here, between them, and while Xingchen can't relate to that exact situation, he knows what it's like to live with sadness, with something that can't be fixed or taken back. Xingchen doesn't have the perfect words to make things better, either, but he's here and Zhou Zishu has entrusted him with this much - and it's serious, so Xingchen will treat it with respect - so he cups his free hand on one of Zhou Zishu's. He can never be a replacement for what was lost, but he's here. He'll listen.

"I'm sure I would have." If Zhou Zishu is any kind of reflection of what his master's teachings were, then Xingchen is even more certain of it. "If ever you'd like, I'd be happy to listen to any stories you have." To keep him alive in word, if nothing else, though it's clear he's on Zhou Zishi's mind. "But only if you'd be comfortable with it."

He gives their joined hands a quick squeeze, a reassurance.

[eternallywandering]

See? There's that kindness again. Xingchen is under no duress to listen to him, to let him open up to him. But he allows it because he is a good man. Zishu bows his head and touches his cheek against Xingchen's hand, honored that the gods have given him this chance to speak to someone who feels...so familiar.

"When I think of a good one, I'll tell it to you." he promises, laughing shakily. It feels good to be like this; to know the world isn't filled with dark, menacing souls that only want to devour each other. Maybe he can live a little longer.

Just a little.

[binghua]

"I look forward to it." And Xingchen means it. It's been a tough time for him in Taravast, learning the things about himself that he has, but if he has goals for himself or things to look forward to, it makes the days pass a little more quickly. He still struggles. More days than not, it's hard to find a reason to drag himself out of bed when he could easily languish in it. His mind has always been skilled at self-flagellation and his larger sins have made it so much easier to find guilt.

But Zhou Zishu genuinely seems to find comfort in his presence. It would be selfish of Xingchen to take that away from someone who has never wronged him. So he'll push down his poor opinion of himself some more, try to bury it under obligations so it can't rear its head as often.

Xingchen doesn't move, finding that he still enjoys spending time here with this person he's just met, but he also continues to listen and to gauge. A byproduct of his loss of sight, now. He just hears better, whether he's trying to or not. "I could be overstepping and please tell me if I am, but you sound a little tired."