westwhere | i've spent all of the love i've saved { open }

Me too. Especially since giving up meant giving up on Claire.

[She makes a face.]

Since we didn't exist, she didn't exist and I ... did not take it well, to put it lightly. I was not the best wedding guest. But that wasn't the end of it. Dad was still trying to convince us to save the world. And I ... I fucked up.

[Because she can see that now, even if she doesn't necessarily think she was wrong.]

[ He looks pained when she mentions Claire. He'd known it was a possibility back in the '60s, that the lives they had in 2019 wouldn't be exactly how he left them. But he'd forced her to come anyway.

They have an opportunity while they're here, to have time to figure something out to change it, but it's too overwhelming to piece together right now. He's so tired of starting over only to make things worse. And knowing dear old dad decides to sacrifice them... it's hard to imagine how else they could have fucked up. ]

What do you do?

I made a deal with Dad.

[She shakes her head.]

He told me he had a way to fix it. Reboot the world so that everything was how it was supposed to be, but we needed to convince the rest of you to help. And I was so desperate to get my daughter back that I agreed.

[There's a deep shuddering breath as she finally has a moment, and the weight of what it cost them really came down on her.]

He didn't tell me that part of the plan was killing Luther.

[ 'Reboot the world' doesn't make any sense to him, but his expression hardens the moment she starts talking about making a deal with Reggie. She'd already mentioned that he intended to sacrifice them. Apparently he succeeds.

He swallows and looks up at her. Dying together is one thing, but it doesn't sound like they all make it. Because of Allison. ]

He killed Luther. [ He takes a few deep breaths, trying to keep his anger under control while he's still getting the full story. ] You know he never gave a shit about any of us. You really thought he was telling the truth?

[She did preface this by saying she fucked up, Five.]

I didn't care. And he didn't tell me all of it. I didn't know what the cost of the Bells was, or why he needed all of us. He just knew that some of the family needed to be ... persuaded. And he knew I was motivated.

[And because she feels the need to clarify:]

I didn't rumor anyone. I just tried to plead my case. But no one was biting, so ... Dad felt like he had to take it to the next level, I guess. And it worked. Killing Luther got everyone into the other hotel to find the Bells and the thing started and I realized what was happening, I stopped it. I stopped him.

Permanently.

[ He might not be able to follow everything that leads to Luther's murder, but he does know what 'permanently' means and his eyes snap to her. Allison kills Reginald. Whatever else that implies, it does slightly lessen the overwhelming feeling of betrayal that was starting to build.

All that in one week. Sure didn't see that coming. ]

...You. [ He has a hard time moving past that last point. He's quiet, frowning again when he thinks of Luther and swallowing his emotions. They can't let that timeline happen. ] Where was I?

In the Bells. I wasn't.

[She shakes her head.]

Once I saw what he was doing to you guys, I ... as much as I wanted my daughter back, I wasn't trying to kill you to get it. And I know that he didn't tell me because if I knew the cost, he knew I would say no.

[But she saved them. Or at least she hopes she saved them.]

[ All these code words. What the fuck does 'in the bells' mean? Reggie believing in a bunch of mystical bullshit is still a hard sell, and there's too much he doesn't know. ]

Just Luther? [ There's no sympathy in his tone. He's disappointed in Allison even from what little he can reconcile from her story. Not to mention disappointed in himself that she manages to trick him.

He flexes his jaw and tries to come to terms with the fact that they were raised, trained, and brought together, only so he could sacrifice them in the end. Of course it's easy to believe that their father would, he just doesn't see how this could have been his plan all along.

What did he have to gain? Something to do with using the particles inside them. Particles he didn't even know they had. ]

Obviously we can't let that happen.

I don't know how to stop it.

[She can try to wrack her brain on it, build a crazy conspiracy board on the walls and try and find the answer, but it's hard to say how.]

I didn't remember any of this when I was home.

[She gestures to the world around them.]

It was like I never left. I was just there and working off all of the information I had before. And the second we land in 2019, the paradox starts.

[ He doesn't know either, but he does know that going back to that point is a suicide mission. Literally, for Luther. They need to rewrite history. Not an easy task, but one he's done plenty of times before. It might mean trading Ben for Luther in the end, which does nothing to improve his mood. He wanted nothing more than to be done with time travel once they got back, and here he is.

Allison's right though. Even if he alters course and goes back to where they left in the 60s, he'll have to be able to remember to warn them from going back to 2019. There has to be some way to get a message to them. ]

I need to think about it. [ Right now he can't seem to make himself get up from where he sits. All that wasted math. ] We can't use the beacons again until I figure something out.

[That's not necessarily the answer she wants to hear. She wants to know what's on the other side of that pushed button. She wants to know if her daughter is there waiting for her, and that his father wasn't completely screwing her.

But she swallows that for now and nods.]

Fine. No more beacons until we have an answer.

[ He eyes her briefly, and for a rare moment, he wonders if he can trust her word. Then again, she didn't have to tell him about her deal with Reggie. She didn't have to mention what happened to Luther either, and she did.

Why would she bother if she doesn't expect him to try to fix this? Never mind that he has no idea how. He feels blindsided, and the idea that he couldn't find a solution in the future doesn't bode well. ]

We still have to get the others first. Maybe by then I'll know how we're going to handle this. [ He had a plan on how to collect three of them. As always, that plan gets more and more complicated. ]

...Lila was there too?

[She pauses, the nods.]

You, Lila, Diego, Viktor, Ben, Klaus and Sloane were in the Bells. Then, me as a spare, I guess? And Dad working the controls to whatever this thing was.

[ Luther's new bride was there. And Ben. Shit. If he fixes this, they go away. ]

At least we have more than a few days to come up with a better plan. [ He's saying it more for himself, but it's hard to get up the enthusiasm when he feels the full weight of what they're up against. At this rate, it'll take him years to figure out how to get his siblings back home without triggering an apocalypse.

He looks back up at Allison and something unsettling hits him. There's no doubt in his mind that she'll do anything if she thinks it means getting her daughter back. ]

I'll do everything I can. In the meantime, I hope you learned something. Going rogue is only going to get us all killed.

You did hear me when I said that I fucked up, right?

[Yes, she learned her lesson. At least she's willing to admit it, unlike some members of their family who never seem to suffer any consequences.

But she also knows why he has to ask, so she takes a deep breath and sighs.]

Yes, I understand. I'll stick to the plan.

[ 'The plan.' He barely manages not to scoff and shake his head. Allison knows he sounded more confident than he has any right to be, more than usual when he at least had a grasp on what they're up against. Now he's in a position he's never been in before.

She knows more than he does. There are probably a lot of details she doesn't even realize are important to tell him. Or that she's intentionally misleading him about, as much as he hates to think that. ]

Is there anything else you're leaving out?

You went AWOL for a while with Lila. I don't know what happened while you were gone.

[He didn't share. Go bug Lila about it.]

You're not really a sharer.

[ The look he gives her is the look of someone who doesn't completely buy that she's not deflecting. What she says does track though. Apparently the two of them were trying to jumpstart a briefcase. He just didn't have to time to get the context with Lila. ]

Wish I could tell you. [ Whatever they tried, they obviously failed. Looking at Allison, he honestly can't blame her for being angry and desperate.

He's only just hearing about it and he feels like he's on the verge of a breakdown. Another one. ]

Aren't you lucky, you survived another apocalypse.

Lucky me.

[Her voice is dry, because man she would love to be able to be free and just live her life. Maybe she will, when she finds out what's on the other side of that button. But until then, she just needs to keep looking forward, rather than back.]

Now we just have to survive this one.

[ He said it flippantly, but there's something so completely soul crushing to know that's what's waiting for them. They're stuck in an endless cycle where every time he tries to save the world, he only makes it worse.

He flexes his jaw and tamps down his emotions, giving Allison a nod. Only a matter of time before one of them ends this one too.

What can he say? There's a chance to rewrite history while they're still removed from that timeline, but he doesn't know where to start. Just thinking about it nearly shakes his steadfast resolve that he was going to get them all home. He doesn't want to believe this is as good as it's going to get. ]

Well I don't know about you, but after that news, I need a drink.

[ It's an offer if she wants. There's still booze back in the apartment but there won't be by the time Five gets to it. ]

[Allison nods, because yes. She could one hundred percent use a drink right now.]

Yeah. Let's go.

[Hopefully they'll find somewhere to drown their sorrows.]

i've spent all of the love i've saved { open }

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