westwhere | i've spent all of the love i've saved { open }

[Allison isn't the only one crying about the state of the beacon. Kamala is devastated this didn't work out for her. She'd been so sure she'd be going home after doing the right thing with the others. It's more complicated than that; it always is. Doing good doesn't mean you automatically get what you want most.

She isn't the exception to that. It's the scream that brings Kamala running. Is any kid prepared to see the adult they idolize fall apart so completely? She's tempted to walk away at first or call Five.

Unsurprisingly, she stays. She will always choose to do good when it counts. Good is staying. She approaches cautiously.] Allison.... [She wants to say it's okay, but it's not. Her face is swollen and puffy. Allison is crying. They're very not okay.]

I miss them too. [She settles on. Kamala keeps approaching until she stops short of her. She won't hug her yet, but the temptation is so real.]

[Allison looks up, and when she sees it's Kamala she swipes at her cheeks. She had hoped to pull herself together before she ran into Kamala, or at least hoped that she had made it through the beacon too and didn't have the misfortune of coming back.

She tries to smile before nodding.]

Yeah. Did you make it through?

N-no. [It comes out soft and watery. She decides to just sink to the ground. Kamala is really tired from the tears. She brings her knees to her chest and vents.] I was so sure this was going to work out. We saved the day, right? This is the part where we all go home. We miss each other, but our adventure was supposed to be over. So why are we still here? What did we do wrong?

Oh, kiddo. You didn't do anything wrong.

[As much as Allison doesn't want to swallow her pain for her family anymore, Kamala's a kid, while her siblings are grown adults. She can do it for her. She reaches up and holds out her arms, gesturing for her to come closer.]

We've tried other beacons and they haven't worked either. It was a hope and a prayer that this would would actually do it's job.

[Kamala doesn't hesitate to launch herself at Allison for a proper hug. She really intends on helping the other woman. She doesn't get Allison isn't some cool, older sister figure to cry it out with. She's an adult who may want to keep it together for the distraught teenager.] I should have asked questions. How can I be so dumb? Maybe I could have prayed or something. Just expecting it work with no proof... ugh!

[Honestly holding on to Kamala is a bit of a relief, a reminder of something real, someone who relies on her the way that Claire would. It's probably not healthy to transfer that need on to Kamala but - well, Allison never claimed to be a healthy person.]

It's not your fault. And even if you had asked the questions, they probably wouldn't have answered them.

[She looks up Allison with pure puppy eyes. Kamala needs the validation. It's hard not to feel like a complete screwup the moment her friends and family aren't there to hold her hand.] Really? I know I don't... [She waves a hand helplessly.] Think about stuff. Everyone complains about it back home. I don't focus. My head is always in the clouds. Maybe I can't make anything work without them.

Hey, no. There's nothing wrong with trying to have ... hope. Even here.

[She knows it can feel hopeless at times, but she doesn't want Kamala to turn into Allison.]

And you are so capable. Don't think that just because your ideas are outside the box that they're bad. Sometimes the world needs a little outside the box.

[Kamala is blissfully quiet for a change. She hangs onto every word for dear life. It's tempting to believe she did this to herself. It's hard to accept at age sixteen that things happen much less that it isn't a result of every criticism she's ever received.] Yeah... thanks. I really needed to hear that.

[She wipes her face with her free hand.] I'm sorry you can't be with your family. I mean besides Five who is probably off doing something really weird right now.

He's Five. He's perpetually off doing something weird.

[Then again, that could probably be true to most Hargreeves.]

He hasn't been too terrible to you, has he?

[Kamala nods, eyes going wide as she recalls every weird thing she's witnessed from him. It's all extremely mild compared to what the others have seen, of course. She shakes her head at the follow up.] Not really. He's kind of a hater about my powers but, in that weird way I think is his way of caring? I'm trying to be cool about it.

[She snorts.]

I think criticism is definitely one of Five's love languages.

[The other is breaking the world for you. She thinks about all the times that he's shown up, desperate to save them, and she can't say she blames him for behaving the way he does some times.]

But we didn't exactly have love modeled to us in great ways growing up.

Edited 2022-12-31 03:27 (UTC)

[Kamala's face falls at that. She kind of suspected on some level. Five is daydrinking. Diego, who she completely adored, did have a pack of wolves following him everywhere. It paints a picture.] I never asked about your parents.

[She feels a tad guilty about that now. She should be less self-involved probably.] I'm sorry they weren't the best modelers. Ammi and I have had our ups and downs, but it's only because she was scared for me. Not a lot of opportunities on my world for people with their heads in the clouds.

[She shrugs. It's one of those things they worked out together recently. Kamala has let go of the mistakes they both made along the way to a healthier relationship.] I wish I could share them with you... or at least Five. He wouldn't be the first white boy my family adopted. Just saying.

[She laughs a bit, because the idea at Five being adopted at fifty-plus just because he looks like a teenager is an amusing one.]

That's sweet, but I think Five's a little old to be getting adopted.

[That being said.]

My dad wasn't very hands-on. Mostly trained us with our powers, and then left the rest to Mom. Mom did her best, but she was a robot, so some things got lost in translation.

[She tips her to the side at Allison's first point. That's fair. Her parents adopted Bruno very early on. Whatever follow up she had planned dies quickly. Kamala's mouth goes wide as she asks the first thing that comes to mind.] Your mom was a robot?! Seriously?!

[Kamala quickly reigns it in. Her mother would kill her. Time to walk back that rudeness.] Sorry, I'm being rude. It's just that robots can't have kids on my world; at least not human kids. Ultron made tons of robot duplicates of himself to murder all those people with. Your mom wasn't an evil that needed to be stopped for the sake of humankind obviously.

Well. Not my mom.

[The Sparrows Grace, who they treated like garbage? She might have started feeding her children to a paradox looking to consume the world, but that's neither here nor there.]

But it's not like it was a common thing. Dad wasn't married and he thought we needed a ... maternal touch.

[Kamala nods, immediately thinking of Bruno. (And herself. She's trying really hard to suppress the thought.)] It is hard living without a mom. [Bruno has hers, of course. It isn't the same and Kamala knows it.]

I'm glad your dad thought of it even if that opens this up for a million more super rude questions. I feel like an Illuminauntie for even thinking about them.

[She laughs, before shaking her head.]

It's okay, you can ask. He probably deserves the super rude questions.

[Kamala winces.] Okay, but this might be rude to you too so please stop me if it is. Are you, Five, and Diego half-robot? Is that like a thing where you come from? Are you guys just adopted and raised by a super cool robot mom?

[She laughs, because of the things she could have asked, that is not what she was expecting.]

We are not half robot. But ... we might not be human.

[She still doesn't have a clear answer on that, but she can at least clear that much up.]

On October 1, 1989, a bunch of women all over the world suddenly got pregnant and had a baby all within the span of a couple hours. Each of those children that were born wound up with powers. Somehow, my father figured that out in advance and adopted seven of them within a few months of their birth. And when he realized that children in fact weren't robots and wouldn't just blindly follow orders, he built us a robot mom to help manage us.

[So that is the weird story of the Umbrella Academy. But Five looks like Five is a much longer story.]

[Kamala's brows scrunch together as she tries to imagine all this. It's crazy and horrifying on so many levels. She feels terrible for the women this happened to. It raises a lot of questions about Five's deal since he looks around her age. Of course Allison herself. What are her powers??

In the end, all Kamala can vocalize is this:] That's... really messed up. I want to say sorry except I'd be really sad if you, Five, and Diego never existed so I guess it all kind of worked out? Hope your moms are okay. Human and robot included.

[That sounds so traumatic for them.]

[She doesn't really want to talk about either of her moms at the moment, so she just nods.]

Yeah. Me too.

[She never knew her birth mother, but she didn't deserve to go out like that.]

But it all worked out. Even if my dad was garbage, I got my siblings out of it. And ninety-five percent of the time, I wouldn't trade them for the world. All six of those idiots.

[Kamala nods along. She gets that sentiment... you know minus the bad parents. The Khans are angels. The rest she overreacts to in classic Kamala fashion.] Whoa! There's six of you?! You have a big family! What are the others like? Can I ask? Because I really want to.

[Actually, she would love to talk about (most) of her family.]

Well, first is Luther. He's a literal giant with super strength. He's also the sweetest of us, and he just got married actually, while I was home. Which was great, because he always was a big romantic.

[She pauses there because she misses Luther and honestly wishes he was here. Also, he was dead last she checked, but she doesn't want to talk about that.]

And number two is Diego, who you've met. I'm Number Three. And then there's Klaus, who is ... honestly a hot mess ninety percent of the time. But he also brings along a lot of much needed perspective. He gets our flaws, and is willing to forgive us our mistakes which ... honestly we need.

[Kamala is totally engrossed in these descriptions. She's already mentally planning out cute little doodles of each one with the exception of Diego. He of course is already in her sketchbook. She chuckles at Klaus.]

Aww Klaus reminds me of my brother Aamir before he met his awesome wife Tyesha! Totally had a goth phase and everything. He's pretty steady these days; just really religious. It's cool since he's not rude or pushy about it.

[It's actually nice to talk about him. Kamala realizes as soon as she shares that she doesn't talk about her family in detail enough. It's all passing mentions.]

i've spent all of the love i've saved { open }

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i cannot believe i lost this thread

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