writing sins

[thesuspense]

WHO: Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen | Xue Yang and OPEN
WHEN: some backdated action, as I had to go on hiatus, some of it pre-poisoning incident, some after, honestly, once he's done with Xingchen, he'll not care what is going on anyway, so it can be set whenever
WHERE: depends on the prompt
WHAT: he will definitely almost destroy Xiao Xingchen's soul, I'm sure he'll do something awful in the other threads too
WARNINGS: mentions of murder, gaslighting, delusions, toxicity all around

[CLOSED TO XIAO XINGCHEN] what is justice?

Things had fallen apart some time ago. A long time ago. Before coming here. Before Xingchen's death. Before it all started. He hadn't, truthfully, wanted to see Song Lan arrive that day. Even if it all worked out exactly as he'd planned.

Because it worked out exactly as he'd planned.

But then Xingchen ends and the thought of that... It had fallen apart long ago. He couldn't really tell when.

What he knew was that the weather was no good, the air felt tense. It made it feel as if there was a weight on his chest. Xue Yang rubbed his eyes, stinging from the wind, then he moved forward suddenly, to snatch Xingchen's wrist as he sees him walking past on the street. He had known he'd come this way, naturally, had been waiting and watching. And he simply pulled him into a side street away from the stream of people, against himself. A warm body, not the cold one he remembered too well. "Daozhang, it's me."

His voice comes softly, to reassure, and to keep from causing a scene.

And, yes, maybe to see his face light up over his presence one last time. Memories are nothing but a prolonging of pain, but he can't resist making them anyway, like slicing daggers through himself.


[OPEN] what is left

Most of the time so far, his room in Vannozza's part of the palazzo has been quiet, he's spent more time out than in and there was never a reason to make noise.

While silence is still the default now, every now and then yelling and thuds can be heard, and the vibration of a body hitting the wall can be felt. It sounds not unlike a fight, so it may make sense to investigate.


[OPEN] blind obsession

It happens without even thinking, that he starts looking for him. As soon as he leaves his room, whether he walks through the palazzo or through the streets of the city, whether he sits on a roof or leans against a wall, his eyes are always searching every face.

Sometimes he actually spots Xingchen, then he stills at first, before getting out of the way, but not too far. Out of reach, but not out of sight, his eyes trained on Xingchen in a not too subtle way. He doesn't care about being subtle in this.

[ooc: Feel free to knock on his door to tell him to keep it down or, I dunno, bump into him somewhere or catch him be an intense stalker of a blind daozhang. I am also open to writing more prompts, if you are interested (or want to remind me of something I wanted to do but forgot because hiatus) just hit me up via pm or reineke or reineke#8640 on Discord.]

Comments

[thesuspense]

Stabbing is quick and to the point, I don't know what kind of dirty, perverted game you are playing here.

[A tricky one, evidently, and not one that he seems to be able to do much about, not that it keeps him from struggling, trying to wiggle his hands free somehow.]

Because he thinks he's above it all. As if. [He scoffs, then smiles, entirely unaware of said smile not reaching his eyes.] The world is not fair. People are bad. Even the daozhang. No better than me. So he should have never acted as if he was better.

[scrapgege]

[Ruoye reacts by pulling Xue Yang's hand, still in its grip, upwards and above his head. And its other hand starts unraveling from around Xie Lian's wrist and goes to the other hand, obviously looking to do the same with it.]

Well, stabbing won't kill me, but it's still not pleasant.

[As he listen to Xue Yang, though, he shivers a bit. This is like listening to He Xuan pouring his grievances against the Shi brothers, except... Except, well, as far as Xie Lian knows, Xiao-daozhang hasn't done anything undeserved to Xue yang beyond existing. he's probably missing some information, but...]

The word is not fair and there are bad people, yes. But you're still very strangely obsessed with his opinion of you.

[thesuspense]

So? [There's just a blink and what might have been a sort of shrug, although it could have also been another attempt at getting out of his binds. Either way, he doesn't seem bothered by the insinuation of being obsessed.

Why wouldn't he be?]

He started it.

[That seems like enough explanation, because he's more intrigued by the stabbing comment and more preoccupied by his decreasing freedom of movement.]

Dirty games... What are you, Master Pervert?

[scrapgege]

[There's a small blush on Xie Lian's cheeks because why would you call him that!!! He's not doing anything but preventing you from stabbing him people!

But they're also likely to attract attention. One small move of his hands and Ruoye decisively brings both hands up, ties them together, and then pulls upwards, until Xue Yang's feet clearly lift off the ground.]

Let's go somewhere with fewer people.

[He'll start walking away, followed by a floating Xue Yang, and trying to summon his best Hua Cheng glare impression to discourage question.

He will only let go once they are in a seemingly deserted courtyard, calling Ruoye back to coil around his wrist.]

Whatever happened between you two, following him around town while pining is not going to solve it.

[thesuspense]

[The groan he lets out when he is finally on the ground again is definitely exaggerated, for whatever effect he's going for, and then he's back to smiling, using his regained freedom to push the hair back from his face and turn away.]

Who was pining? [He says it derisively and with a roll of his eyes, as if the very idea is ludicrous.] Maybe you were, Master Pervert. Do you want to tie him up too? Who knows, he might get into it. I've wondered.

[As he ponders this, quite openly, he rubs his own wrists and looks around more than looking at him, as if the conversation really barely pertains him.

This way, it's easier to feel so little.]

[scrapgege]

[Xie Lian's cheeks are still slightly flushed from earlier, but truth be told, he has been propositioned, crudely, more than once in his life, and he usually can deflect it.

But he sees those darting eyes, and Xie Lian's own gaze suddenly seems to reflect all those hundreds of years of existence.]

Xiao-daozhang is someone I consider a friend, nothing more. I've told you that many times, so why do you keep insisting on making this something it's not?

And did you really think that dragging him down to your level would not make you feel so small and alone and abandoned?

[Someone tried to do that to Xie Lian too, and almost succeeded, too. And in the end they were just a very sad, lonely, angry soul, who needed to prove to themselves they hadn't had a choice in falling and nothing as their fault.]

Would it make it easier to pretend he's just like you in the end, because then you wouldn't have to think about why you ended up the way you are?

[thesuspense]

The world's a bad place, isn't it? That's how I ended up the way I am. [His eyes shift to the black bandage around his hand as he asks the next question.] Do you think I don't know that?

[There's an innocence to the way he states it, one that has nothing to do with sweetness. The way Xue Yang is jaded has a simplicity to it, like a child scolding a flame for burning it.]

As the world is so bad, why shouldn't I make it more to my liking? Why should he get to live thinking he is above it? We are the same now. That's all I wanted.

[And it is and isn't, because this is as he wanted. It is just not what he wants.]

[scrapgege]

The world is what people make of it. And yes, sometimes, it will push you down. But you still have a choice of sinking down to its level or rising above it. It's unfair, and it's hard, but telling yourself you don't have a choice is an excuse.

[And wouldn't he know about that...]

Do you feel better now? Does ruining someone else's life really make yours better?

[thesuspense]

Hm. I had a choice. That's why I rose from where I started.

[Their definition of 'rising above' may be radically different from one another.]

Why should I not have made the choice that was fun for me? The choice that seemed fair to me? Do I not deserve to do that? When I could, why wouldn't I have? It's not my fault when I'm not stopped.

[He's silent, for a moment, as he considers those last questions, a deep sadness on his face that he has no awareness of, followed by a shrug and a dismissive hand gesture, as he is back to smiling.]

Aish, you are so serious. It's boring! This went better for him than last time, so why would I be bothered?

[scrapgege]

.... You look pretty bothered for someone who is not bothered.

[He's just saying.]

In your own words, making him miserable should make you happy. And you did managed to make him pretty sad, you know. So how come you're following him around town like a lost puppy?

[thesuspense]

[For a moment, he is silent, either because he can't think of an answer or because he doesn't want to give the answer he can think of. Whichever it is, he finally ends up looking to the side and shrugging his shoulders.]

Last time, he-- [His brow furrowed, he shakes his head.] He can't leave again!

[scrapgege]

... Last time?

[Did something happen back where they are from that makes Xue Yang scared that it might happen again here? Maybe they didn't come from the same timeline. He didn't think of that.

..... What if Hua Cheng shows up from a different timeline? That would sure be a ride, if he is from the past or from the future.]

What happened last time? Did you tell him who you were ? What did he do?

[thesuspense]

Last time...

[Xue Yang is silent as he thinks, lowering his head. Of course he knows what happened last time, but that isn't what his mind is circling around. He sees a red line on Xingchen's throat, feels a cold, dead body, not responding.

When he looks up again, he launches forward suddenly, but without brandishing a blade this time. He reaches for Xie Lian's arm anyway, his eyes wide.]

You care so damn much, so you take care of him. He can't do it again! So watch him! Make sure! You have to!

[scrapgege]

[.... Okay then. Now Xue Yang looks... really scared, all of a sudden.]

He's a friend, so of course I will take care of him. But you said 'he can't do it again'.... What is it?

[He almost wants to reassure the other man, but he's not sure how to do that.]

[thesuspense]

[The fear sort of registers, the unshed tears that are rendering his eyes red-rimmed he's entirely unaware of. Xue Yang doesn't care either, not about his own appearance. His hand is tightening around Xie Lian's wrist and he scowls.]

What do you think?!

[He bites back an insult, which shows more diplomacy skills than he usually displays.]

He can't die again!

cw: suicidal ideation

[scrapgege]

[Xie Lian wishes he could say he is surprised.

He is not.

He remembers all too well what it felt like, when he was at the very bottom. The only reason why he hadn't been able to end all of it was because he physically could not. he'd tried, and failed, repeatedly.

So he can very well imagine what happened, and what makes Xue Yang so scared.]

I'll take care of him.

But if your only goal was to make him as miserable as you, then you wouldn't be so devastated by this, you realize?

[Since, well, you basically did the thing twice, and it led twice to similar, if not completely identical results. Is it not the definition of insanity?]

What did you think would happen this time?