tell me now of the very soul that look alike

[inferus]

WHO: Wrath + Red + Others
WHEN: Event threads / Tower Aftermath threads
WHERE: Serthica
WHAT: November Catch-All. Please let me know if you would like a closed thread with either of mine.
WARNINGS: Cursing, memory-loss, curses, talks of Hell/demons. Will edit if more specific warnings come up.

[ closed starters will be below. ]

Comments

[thedreamer]

"I would have. I would have tried to help you first," he confirms. He focuses on her more closely now, not entirely missing the emotion there in her voice as she asks the question. Of course, of course. Giving her a chance, well, it's a given. Easy for him to say in the moment, perhaps, knowing her as he does, but he also knows himself and he knows how he'd have reacted if they'd met in the Underworld first.

A truth between them, then. More than he's offered before. Quietly, he starts, "The light and the dark, always a constant in the universe. One doesn't exist without the other. It's true for planets and stars, moons and suns, and for all of us that exist. Light and dark, good and bad," he explains, working up to a point. "I offer it because I've seen too much. Things are rarely so simple as some would like to believe."

Because he's not so simple, either. He'd confronted another minotaur once, a small one he'd been trapped in a 'hotel' with, one that was killing people slowly, yet wanted to be stopped. As it lay dying, it spoke of itself, yet also of him, of the Doctor himself. An ancient creature, drenched in the blood of the innocent, drifting in space through an endless, shifting maze. For such a creature, death would be a gift.

"What makes someone a monster? What separates you from me? What happened in that labyrinth - what Vanessa did, how you became Cerberus, I can't do either of those things, but I have done...oh, so many things I'd rather forget. But is that all that I am? Is that all that you are?"

Those things he's done - monstrous things, and he knows it. The monster inside him may manifest in different ways, but it's there all the same.

[growlies]

Red's eyes burn when he confirms what she already figured was true, and somehow it's a relief to hear it but also has her stomach churning. Because she knows if Hades willed her to, she would tear him apart like she did with those minotaurs. She would not have the choice. She's so very used to not having the choice, and the fact she could like the instruction and order so much - like having that will ripped from her again as if there's comfort in chains and bars.

That makes her sick too.

She listens to what he says - every single word. He has seen so much of so many worlds through plants and all the rest, and so what he's sharing with her is important. His reasoning is sound. He has enough experience to know that it's worth it to offer chances, to offer a choice when one can be given. Sometimes people (monsters, creatures, things) have never had that chance before until he's given it to them, and maybe that makes all the difference.

"Your aura shows that it's not all you are."

Her voice is quiet, raw, but oh-so-certain of that. She's already described what his soul looks like to her in detail.

"And all of it is wonderful - the dark, violent parts too." The destructiveness, she sees it, and it's okay along with the mercy he gives - that one singular chance.

[thedreamer]

"Why is it wonderful?" He asks the question softly, a gentle inquiry, not one of accusation or disblief, but more a question posed aloud to inspire more reflection. It's for his sake as much as for hers, and so he pauses only for a moment before adding, "Because that's who I am? Because you accept me? It's the same for you, my friend. All of it, every part of you, is beautiful, even the parts that might terrify you."

He comes a bit closer, a softness in his eyes as he searches hers more deeply for a moment. "I see you, all of you, and you are beautiful and important. Accepting the dark and terrible parts of any creature, well, it may not change their nature - nor ours - and we may have to make hard choices in the end, but it doesn't stop making every creature important or worth something, worth a chance."

Reaching out, he'll gently stroke her hair, if she'll allow, the comforting touch of a friend who cares for her deeply. But he pauses only a moment before shifting instead, offering his arms to her in a hug.

[growlies]

Red stares at the pieces of bread broken and torn up in front of her. She wonders what the bread would look like if she jammed it all back together. It probably wouldn't hold well. The shape would be messy and wrong. His words mean a great deal to her. They always have.

Her eyes close against something burning still at the gentleness of his touch, and after a moment, she folds herself against his chest, wrapping her arms around him too to hug him tightly back. She hugs him for all the ways she saw him lost, killed in that moment when he was flung and didn't move at all, not a sign of life or vibrancy in her friend like she's used to.

She hugs him because she is relieved it was him with her and Vanessa there in the end. They can carry this together. No matter how heavy.

"It's not the dark, violent, and terrible parts of me that bother me," she says quietly there, and she's glad to know they don't bother him either - don't change the way he sees her, but it's so hard to put to words the parts that do bother her. She wasn't really made for that either - to put her feelings to words, to have her own feelings. Her eyes burn brighter still, because she wants to express one feeling of deep gratitude for him, for what he did for her before the Tower, looking up at him with a smile despite the tears: "...hey, Doc, your anchor worked. Even after the minotaurs, I had to shift again, and I could use that to do it and have some control."

It was there, and she could feel it, and it kept her grounded. Cerberus should never be without some kind of grounding, and he gave that to her.

[thedreamer]

With everything that happened, the Doctor hadn't even stopped to consider it, that his anchor had worked, or to what extent. But now he's ever more grateful that it did, because in the chaos, he'd been so afraid he might lose them both to forces beyond his control.

Her tears pull at his hearts, even as she smiles, and he wishes he could soothe every hurt that lingers. Yet, he also knows that in strange ways, the terrible things bring them closer, though he would also hope for those he loves never to suffer. Life is a constant tangle of good and bad, pain and hope, and all they really have in the end is each other, for whatever time they're given. He's not so good at that latter part; endings are inevitable and his instinct is to run to avoid them, but it deprives him of all the good things in between. He's trying to remember that and hold onto it more here, because there's nowhere else to go.

Smiling down at her gently, he softly says, "This place has been so unpredictable in nearly every way, couldn't be sure of anything. I'm so glad it worked."

The worst that could have happened was it did nothing. To know she had a bit of control, at least, means everything to him.

"What you said, though, about what bothers you. If you don't know what it is exactly or how to say it, just know you're understood and you're never alone."

[growlies]

Understood feels difficult if not impossible to believe. The Doctor says it with such genuine conviction though. It's mostly that she doesn't understand herself in the slightest (in all honesty, nothing about her makes very much sense at all) so the idea that anyone else could is difficult to wrap her head around.

The not-being-alone though is something a few people have told her now within the group, and she believes they have all meant it. For the first time in her very long existence, she does not feel as if she is alone, but part of something, part of a group. Neither the Doctor nor Vanessa allowed her to be dragged off in the Labyrinth by the minotaur, facing danger instead of allowing her to be abandoned there in the hallways where she'd likely fit more in with the monsters dragging her off.

They came after her.

"So long as I'm here." She nods after a moment with a quietness before she lifts her gaze. "And neither are you."

So long as he is here. So long as she can help it.

[thedreamer]

It's harder for him to accept that part-that he's not alone. Objectively, he knows he isn't. In the labyrinth, the three of them protected one another the best they could, and they will again; of that, he has no doubt. But it's difficult for him to fathom calling upon anyone, or allowing them to be there for him in any way. It's a terrifying thing, to consider losing her or anyone else he's come to love here.

"You said - a moment ago, you said it's not the dark parts of you that bother you most. Maybe there aren't words for it, maybe not yet, but we can talk about it when you know. Admittedly, I'm still learning how to say...a lot of things, myself. Sometimes the words don't come, sometimes all we have is being here."

He still has so much to consider about Vanessa in the labyrinth as well. What it all meant for her, for them, and how he can best help her. He wonders what Red sees in Vanessa's soul, but that's a conversation for another day. Right now, he only cares about taking care of her, the best he can.