[Xingchen asked the question and now he's received his answer, and yet he doesn't really know what it means. If Xue Yang had answered simply, "Yes," or "No," then there wouldn't be this deliberation. He would know without a doubt whether or not any of this time spent trying to understand the man who ruined him, who ruined his life, would have meant anything.
But nothing is ever black and white. How stupid of him to have expected this to have been easy.
He thinks Xue Yang has some capacity for regret. It's just not directed in the place Xingchen wishes it would be. Xingchen himself should not be any sort of anchor or deciding factor in what Xue Yang considers wrong and right. Xingchen shouldn't really be involved at all. Maybe he shouldn't have asked about himself, knowing that Xue Yang has such an awful attachment to him.
What's worse - better? - Xue Yang wishes he had never been born. And Xingchen agrees that the world would have been better off in that case. But Xue Yang doesn't care about the world.
Xingchen sighs, slouching further back on his knees as he looks at the floor between them. What is he to do with this? This has solved nothing. All he has to show for it is a red palm and pitiful expression. He shakes his head over nothing in particular.]
...I wish you hadn't been born.
[Harsh words, despite their honesty. But as he thinks a little more, tears start to sting at his eyes and he raises a hand to cover them.]
no subject
But nothing is ever black and white. How stupid of him to have expected this to have been easy.
He thinks Xue Yang has some capacity for regret. It's just not directed in the place Xingchen wishes it would be. Xingchen himself should not be any sort of anchor or deciding factor in what Xue Yang considers wrong and right. Xingchen shouldn't really be involved at all. Maybe he shouldn't have asked about himself, knowing that Xue Yang has such an awful attachment to him.
What's worse - better? - Xue Yang wishes he had never been born. And Xingchen agrees that the world would have been better off in that case. But Xue Yang doesn't care about the world.
Xingchen sighs, slouching further back on his knees as he looks at the floor between them. What is he to do with this? This has solved nothing. All he has to show for it is a red palm and pitiful expression. He shakes his head over nothing in particular.]
...I wish you hadn't been born.
[Harsh words, despite their honesty. But as he thinks a little more, tears start to sting at his eyes and he raises a hand to cover them.]
I wish neither of us had been born.