[Good, good, if Xie Lian isn't picky, then that leaves plenty of room for whatever Xingchen will end up making. Not that he'll skimp on whatever he makes, even if it probably won't be fancy anyway.
It's with this pleasant thought bouncing around his head that Xingchen keeps walking and getting closer to their temporary home. It's a good enough distraction from his darker thoughts, at least until they reach his door. This is the end of his road tonight and he's just going to have to accept it, as he has every night for the past month or however long.
He nods, listening to Xie Lian's advice, knowing he needs to do this, but...once he opens the door, he'll be alone. He'll be alone when he's had such good company, company that really seems to care, company he feels comfortable talking to.
Loneliness has draped itself over Xingchen's shoulders the day he walked away from Song Lan, leaving him up on Baoshan Sanren's mountain, back on the home he could no longer call his. Even living in Yi City with two people he grew to care for almost as much as his friend, that loneliness still enshrouded him. And now, here, in a foreign land rife with dangers and shattering reveals, that loneliness seems to reach for his throat with choking hands.
He's selfish. He knows he's selfish. He wants what he can't have, what he probably shouldn't have. But Xie Lian is still here, still caring, and he isn't at all on the same level as an actual god, but he wants. Just for one night. Maybe he can only live in spans of time, in chunks of happiness, where nothing lasts forever.
His hands find Xie Lian's arm again, once more wrapping around the limb and holding him close.
He's still drunk. He's not completely sober, right? That doesn't make anything better.
There's a blurry mental image of Xie Lian's form. Is he a little shorter? Maybe.
He should say something. He should ask, first. But...that loneliness keeps squeezing.
It's not a smooth movement. Even if Xingchen were entirely sober, he'd probably still make some mistake. Leaning in, his nose bumps against what feels like Xie Lian's cheek, so he corrects himself, and his lips find the other man's, a crooked kiss, alcohol still strong on his breath.]
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It's with this pleasant thought bouncing around his head that Xingchen keeps walking and getting closer to their temporary home. It's a good enough distraction from his darker thoughts, at least until they reach his door. This is the end of his road tonight and he's just going to have to accept it, as he has every night for the past month or however long.
He nods, listening to Xie Lian's advice, knowing he needs to do this, but...once he opens the door, he'll be alone. He'll be alone when he's had such good company, company that really seems to care, company he feels comfortable talking to.
Loneliness has draped itself over Xingchen's shoulders the day he walked away from Song Lan, leaving him up on Baoshan Sanren's mountain, back on the home he could no longer call his. Even living in Yi City with two people he grew to care for almost as much as his friend, that loneliness still enshrouded him. And now, here, in a foreign land rife with dangers and shattering reveals, that loneliness seems to reach for his throat with choking hands.
He's selfish. He knows he's selfish. He wants what he can't have, what he probably shouldn't have. But Xie Lian is still here, still caring, and he isn't at all on the same level as an actual god, but he wants. Just for one night. Maybe he can only live in spans of time, in chunks of happiness, where nothing lasts forever.
His hands find Xie Lian's arm again, once more wrapping around the limb and holding him close.
He's still drunk. He's not completely sober, right? That doesn't make anything better.
There's a blurry mental image of Xie Lian's form. Is he a little shorter? Maybe.
He should say something. He should ask, first. But...that loneliness keeps squeezing.
It's not a smooth movement. Even if Xingchen were entirely sober, he'd probably still make some mistake. Leaning in, his nose bumps against what feels like Xie Lian's cheek, so he corrects himself, and his lips find the other man's, a crooked kiss, alcohol still strong on his breath.]